


Trollstuck 5.0

by Krisander



Series: Trollstuck 5.0 [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternia, Alternian Revolution, Gen, Trollstuck
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-19 10:24:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 34,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14235243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krisander/pseuds/Krisander
Summary: SBURB / SGRUB decides to screw with all the humans and trolls one final time. Nobody is surprised.Following the hijinks associated with a bunch of trolls returning to Alternia after they thought they had escaped it, as well as the humans muddling things up in their newly-obtained troll bodies. Watch as they all find each other again, learn to live together, and try to take over an empire. Failure in this scenario means certain death.





	1. Victory

After all the grueling fights and convoluted plans, your battered little group of misfits stand in front of the endgame door. Well, actually, The Endgame Door. That shit should be capitalized. The Ultimate Reward lies behind it, waiting for you all. You, Kanaya, Terezi, and a bunch of aliens from a universe you gave cancer. Despite your (completely valid) apprehension when John reaches for the handle, he is able to open it with no issues.

Except the universe dying, of course.

Everything is fucking agony. White so bright it sears your ocular globes right out of your skull and noise so loud it deafens you immediately. It has to be some sort of cruel joke. The Game was only letting you think that you won, when in reality this is just another doomed timeline. You think, 'THIS IS FUCKING IT. THIS IS HOW WE ALL DIE.'

Then it is simply darkness.

When you awake, you emerge from your recuperacoon at a bolt. It takes a moment for you to recognize your old room- the movie posters on the wall, the old husktop in the corner. There are even a few of your old coding books lying about. Everything is exactly where it was before The Game started. You freeze, eyeing things more critically. No, that was not quite right.

There are a few new posters of movies that you do not recognize. There appears to be a mended leg on the desk your (New? Where did you get the credits for that?) husktop sits upon. A couple pairs of sickles adorn the floor, not just your regular training ones you had when you were six and a half. Double checking, you realize that your height is the same as it was at the end of The Game. You surmise that means you were not just dropped back in time to before you played SGRUB and met the humans and went on-

The humans!

Past you is such a grubfucking moron! He stood there waiting precious minutes trying to scrape together his thinkpan instead of immediately flying over to the nearest machine that could run an instant messaging program. The precious seconds spent waiting for Trollian to log in double as time to pray to Gog, God, the Sufferer, or even the fucking horrorterrors that everyone made it in the end. Your bloodpusher drops to your shoes when you see that all of your contacts are grayed out. Shit. No time to fall into depression; you need to act.

So you do what you do best. You open up a memo and invite every single person on your contact list.

\-- carcinoGeneticist has created the memo ROLL CALL FOR ASSHOLES WHO MAGICALLY SURVIVED THE CLUSTERFUCK KNOWN AS SGRUB OR SBURB FOR YOU HUMAN TYPES --

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has invited ghostyTrickster [GT] , apocalypseArisen [AA] , adiosToreador [AT] , twinArmageddons [TA] , arsenicCatnip [AC] , grimAuxiliatrix [GA] , gallowsCalibrator [GC] , arachnidsGrip [AG] , centaursTesticle [CT] , gardenGnostic [GG] , turntechGodhead [TG] , tentacleTherapist [TT] , terminallyCapricious [TC] , caligulasAquarium [CA] , and cuttlefishCuller [CC] to the memo --

CG: ALRIGHT EVERYONE- WELCOME TO THE FUCKING AFTERLIFE THAT LESS THAN HALF OF US DESERVE WHICH ALSO APPEARS TO BE A SECOND CHANCE AT THE BLISTERING NOOKROT THAT IS ALTERNIA. IT LOOKS LIKE ONCE AGAIN THE GAME HAS MANAGED TO COMPLETELY FUCK US OVER. BENT US OVER A TABLE AND REARRANGED OUR INTERNAL ORGANS WITH ITS GROTESQUELY GINORMOUS BULGE. COLOR ME SURPRISED.  
CG: CONSIDERING MY CHUMPROLL AND THE DRASTIC INCREASE IN USERNAMES COMPARED TO WHEN I LAST USED IT, I AM GOING TO GO AHEAD AND THROW SOME GROUND RULES OUT THERE FOR YOU IDIOTS TO FOLLOW.   
CG: NUMBER ONE- NO MORE REVENGE CYCLES! I DON'T CARE WHO STARTED IT OR WHETHER YOU MET A BRUTAL END AT THE HANDS OF ONE OF OUR NEWLY-RESURRECTED CLUTCHMATES OR IF YOU THINK IT IS SELF DEFENSE TO GET THEM BEFORE THEY GET YOU. NO. MORE. KILLING. I THINK WE HAVE *ALL* HAD ENOUGH OF THAT.  
CG: NUMBER TWO- PLEASE ASCERTAIN YOUR SAFETY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. ESPECIALLY THE HUMANS. THIS IS ALTERNIA. I KNOW TWO OF YOU HAVE SOME IDEA OF WHAT THAT MEANS, BUT FOR THE CLUELESS AND GULLIBLE DUO ALTERNIA MEANS YOU STAY THE FUCK INSIDE YOUR HIVE AND AVOID STRANGE TROLLS LIKE THE PLAGUE. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE YOU ARE A SQUISHY ALIEN THAT LOOKS LIKE IT MIGHT NET SOMEONE A FEW EXTRA CREDITS ON THEIR ALLOWANCOLLECTION.  
CG: NUMBER THREE- IF YOUR HIVE APPEARS TO BE UNSAFE, PLEASE SCRAPE TOGETHER SOME SEMBLANCE OF A SURVIVAL INSTINCT AND VACATE THE PREMISES UNTIL YOU ARE IN A REASONABLY SECURE PLACE. THEN CONTACT US AND WE WILL SEE WHO IS CLOSEST TO YOUR LOCATION AND GET YOUR ASS SOMEWHERE DISCREET AND AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO WANT TO CULL YOU. THIS IS FOR TROLLS AS WELL AS HUMANS. ESPECIALLY YOU TAVROS AND TEREZI. I'M SERIOUS. WE ARE ALREADY 8 SWEEPS OLD. DODGING THE CULL IS GOING TO GET PROGRESSIVELY HARDER.  
CA: wwoww kar you really like to hear yourself talk  
CG: NUMBER FOUR- UNLESS YOU ARE IN NEED OF ASSISTANCE, PLEASE RESIST THE URGE TO MEET UP IN PERSON AT THE MOMENT, AS THAT MIGHT NOT GO SO WELL CONSIDERING MOST OF US WERE DEAD AND IN DREAMBUBBLES A FEW MOMENTS AGO. IF THERE IS ANY- OH THANK FUCK!  
CA: or i guess in this case read wwhat you type  
CG: HOLY SHIT! ERIDAN! YOU MADE IT!  
CA: i dont think ivve evver had somebody so happy to sea me online  
CG: I COULD FUCKING KISS YOU RIGHT NOW!  
CA: uhh  
CG: AND BY THAT I MEAN I THOUGHT BRIEFLY I WAS THE ONLY GODDAMN TROLL IN EXISTENCE WHO LIVED THROUGH SGRUB AND THAT KIND OF TRAUMA WOULD DO NO WONDERS FOR MY ALREADY TENUOUS MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING. DO NOT TAKE THAT AS SOME SORT OF SOLICITATION.  
CG: ALSO YOU BEING ALIVE AGAIN MEANS THAT EVERYONE ELSE- WAIT NO. I DON'T WANT TO JINX IT.  
TA: holy 2hiit 2omeone 2hut thii2 thiing the fuck up.  
CG: I AM ALSO OVERJOYED TO SEE THAT YOU ARE ALIVE AND WELL AFTER THE UNIVERSE DISSOLVED AND THEN REMADE ITSELF, DOUCHEWANGLE. ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THAT YOU SPENT THE LAST NEARLY TWO SWEEPS BEING "HALF-DEAD." WHATEVER THAT MEANS. FUCKING OFF IN DREAMBUBBLES WITH YOUR MANIC PIXIE GIRLFRIEND INSTEAD OF BEING USEFUL IN BEATING THAT NIGHTMARE OF A GAME.  
TA: ugh. ii wii2h ii could enjoy iit but my head ii2 poundiing.  
TA: voiice2 are back full throttle. no one famiiliiar yet but 2tiill 2uck2.  
CG: WHILE THAT IS LESS THAN STELLAR, I'M NOT SHOCKED. TAKE SOMETHING FOR YOUR PANACHE, DRINK A GLASS OF WATER, AND GO NAP. OR, YOU KNOW, STOP BEING SUCH A WHINY LITTLE BITCH. WHICHEVER OPTION IS MOST CONVENIENT FOR YOU.  
TA: way two be an a22hole KK.

You refuse to acknowledge the shit-eating smile slowly taking over your face. Even if it is just two of them right now, it is so relieving to see that some of your crew are alive and well. Glancing at the time, you realize that the others might still be asleep in their recuperacoons. The sun is not even fully done setting yet. Although that left the question as to where the humans were, as they are not a nocturnal species. The ping of yet another person coming online lifts your spirits further.

GA: Oh, I Am Quite Relieved To See That There Are Others Already Online. I Am Ashamed To Admit That I Was Somewhat Apprehensive About Logging On To Trollian.  
TA: hey KN tell KK to 2top beiing a douche.  
CG: KANAYA! I AM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU ONLINE! YOU'RE ALWAYS UP SO EARLY THAT I WAS A BIT WORRIED SOMETHING HAD HAPPENED ON YOUR END.  
GA: I Would Rather Not Spend Our Very First Moments After The Game Being The Ashen Village Two-Wheeled Device.  
CG: ACTUALLY, EVERYONE IS ALRIGHT, RIGHT? NO MOB HORDE OUTSIDE WITH FOAMING MOUTHS AND TORCHES? NO HIVE-INVADERS BUSTING DOWN YOUR DOOR? NO BEASTS ENCROACHING ON YOUR LAWNRINGS TO TAKE A SHIT?  
TA: we are fiine KK. ii told you- no famiiliiar voice2.  
GA: My Desert Is As Empty As Always. As Is My Hive. Which Means Our Lusii Are Still Deceased.  
TA: ... well that 2uck2.  
AG: What's up 8itches????????  
CG: ERIDAN YOU HAVE BEEN SUSPICIOUSLY QUIET SINCE SOLLUX CAME ONLINE. PLEASE AT LEAST CONFIRM THAT YOUR HIVE IS NOT BEING RAZED BY PISSED OFF "landdwwellers" AND THEN YOU CAN LOG OFF IF YOU NEED A MINUTE.  
CG: OH GREAT.  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha! What's this a8out the whiny seatroll not 8eing a8le to face the music?  
GA: I Believe Ampora Already Faced His Music Over A Sweep Ago.  
CG: IF ANYONE COULD NOT LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES, IT'S YOU, SERKET. NOW CALM DOWN BEFORE YOU ATTRACT ATTENTION TO YOURSELF IN YOUR DECREPIT CASTLE.  
TA: ii'm not 2ayiing that ii forgiive you, but at lea2t let u2 know you're aliive a22hole.  
CA: i can understand that  
CA: uh as for my security evveryfin is fine here  
CA: im gonna log off before fef or anybody else gets on  
CG: I APPRECIATE YOUR HONESTY. GET BACK TO US WHENEVER YOU FEEL LESS LIKE CRAWLING INTO YOUR OWN WASTECHUTE IN SHAME AND TRY NOT TO DO ANYTHING STUPID IN THE MEANTIME.  
TA: oh KK you're 2uch a magnaniimou2 leader. 2wooniing here.  
CG: SERIOUSLY GO TAKE A NAP YOU IMBECILE.  
AG: No one is anywhere near my hive 8uuuuuuuut ........  
GA: But?  
GA: Is There Something Wrong With Your Keyboard?  
CG: SERIOUSLY, YOU FIEND, SPIT IT OUT ALREADY.  
CT: D --> She is likely referring to the hives located nearby the lake where there previously were no structures, let alone castles. There even appears to be one on the island in the middle.  
AG: Equius!!!!!!!! Why must you ruin the suspense?  
CT: D --> I did not consider the addition of new neighbors all that noteworthy or suspenseful. We appear to have been absent for a sweep or more; it would be more odd if there were not discrepancies.  
CG: NEW NEIGHBORS ARE FINE AS LONG AS THEY DO NOT SEEM TO BE INTERESTED IN CULLING YOU. OR CONTESTING FOR SUPREMACY OR WHATEVER YOU HIGHBLOODS CALL IT WHEN IT'S BETWEEN YOURSELVES.  
CG: HAS ANYONE HEARD FROM THE HUMANS YET? DO WE EVEN KNOW IF THEY MADE IT WITH US?  
CG: I DON'T EVEN HAVE HALF OF THEM ON MY CHUMPROLL, BUT I HAVE OUR HUMANS SO THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.  
GA: I Would Venture A Guess That We Will Have No Way Of Knowing Until One Of Them Decides To Contact Us. You Are Not The Only One Who Is Worried.  
CT: D --> More important matters: Has anyone herd from Nepeta?  
TA: not yet EQ. but don't worry. 2he ii2n't one of the voiice2 yet eiither.  
GA: Your Moirail Is Likely Still Resting From Her Latest Hunt.  
AT: uHH, GUYS?  
AT: wHAT IS HAPPENING?  
CG: TAVROS! PLEASE TELL ME YOU ACTUALLY READ THE ABOVE RULES BECAUSE THEY PARTICULARLY APPLY TO YOU.  
GA: What Is Happening Is That Our Compatriots Were Successful In Beating The Game And Now We Get To Reap The Rewards, Namely The Fact We Are All Now Alive Again.  
AT: wHILE THAT IS VERY NICE, IT IS NOT AT ALL WHAT I, UM, MEANT,  
GA: Is Something The Matter, Tavros?  
CG: ARE YOU IN NEED OF AID? I'M NOT SURE HOW SOON ONE OF US CAN BE THERE, BUT I WILL DISPATCH THE NEAREST BULGEHUMPER IMMEDIATELY. HOW FAR ARE YOU FROM ARADIA AGAIN?  
CT: D --> I STRONGLY demand that the lowblood reveal to us what he is talking about.  
AG: Spit it out, Pupa Pan!!!!!!!!  
AT: i CAN WALK,  
TA: oh.  
CG: DAMMIT TAVROS! I WAS LITERALLY *TWO SECONDS* FROM FLIPPING OFF THE HANDLE! WE JUST GOT BACK TO ALTERNIA CAN YOU ALL PLEASE STAY RELATIVELY OKAY FOR LIKE- WAIT. WHAT.  
AT: i CAN WALK WITH MY ACTUAL LEGS, nOT EVEN ROBOT ONES OR SOMETHING, }:D  
GA: Intriguing. Perhaps This Is An Aftereffect Of SGRUB? It Would Not Surprise Me If The Game Chose To Return Us To Peak Performance Before Leaving Us To Our Own Devices.  
TA: dude, tavro2 ii don't even know what two 2ay. that'2 awe2ome!!  
CG: FINALLY SOME GOOD NEWS!  
AG: I didn't even realize it at first- probably 8ecause I'm so gr8 and was Godtier- 8ut I have 8oth my arms! And eyes! :::;D  
CT: D --> Speaking of Godtier... Did perhaps you retain any of your previous powers?  
GA: That Would Be Quite The Boon.  
AG: Shit! Shit shit sh8t! Of course n8t!  
TA: cool your tiit2. iit would be two ea2y iif the game let you keep godtiier.  
AG: Very true. I guess I had to get nerfed somewhere. Still s8cks, though. I'm going to miss having allllllllllllllll the luck.  
GT: (okay, why is my palmhusk going off every two seconds? i was actually trying to sleep for once.)  
GT: (who's dying?)  
CG: WHO THE HEINOUS FUCK IS THIS?  
CT: D --> That is a downright 100di% font coloration and you will cease using it at once.  
AG: W8. Is that... Johnny?  
CG: OH MY GOD, IT IS. GHOSTYTRICKSTER WAS HIS FIRST HANDLE.  
CG: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, JOHNNY? DO YOU *WANT* TO BE CULLED?  
CG: I MEAN- JOHN.  
GA: Unfortunately I Will Have To Agree With Equius On This Point. That Coloration Is Likely To Get You Into Trouble With Certain Parties. Parties That May Or May Not Have Access To This Memo Board.  
TA: ii kiind of liike it.  
AT: iT IS, mAYBE, gOING TO GET YOU KILLED,,,  
GA: Please Ignore Sollux, As His Fashion And Etiquette Choices Are Abysmal.  
CG: WHY ARE YOU EVEN USING DAEVID'S TEXT COLOR? YOU ARE THE SAME BLUE WINDY ASSHOLE AS BEFORE, RIGHT? THERE IS LITERALLY NO REASON TO TEMPT FATE BY USING THAT PARTICULAR HUE OF BLASPHEMOUS RED. NEVERMIND THE FACT THAT AS A SQUISHY HUMAN YOU ARE LITERALLY ONLY WORTH WHATEVER BOUNTY THE LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT WANTS TO PAY FOR WANDERING ALIENS.  
GT: (i'm not a human, though. not anymore, at least.)  
GT: (i'm a troll.)

You gape at the screen, mind unable to comprehend what you just read. For a few moments, the chat screen stays as frozen as you are in real life. Then everything explodes into a cacophony of color and message alert pings.

CT: D -->Are you certain?  
TA: oh thii2 ii2 rich.  
GA: This Is A Sudden And Unexpected Development.  
CT: D --> If you are attempting to f001 us I will be most displeased.  
AT: tHAT IS, MAYBE, A VERY GOOD THING THOUGH, sINCE MOST TROLLS ARE NOT AS NICE AS US, aND MAY HAVE TRIED TO KILL YOU IF YOU WERE HUMAN,  
CG: STILL. YOU'RE PROBABLY A BLUEBLOOD LIKE SERKET OR ZAHHAK, SO JUST GO WITH YOUR USUAL BRIGHT BLUE AND YOU WILL BE FINE.  
AG: Yeah! No need to use that awful fake hero color. We all know 8lue8loods are where it's at!  
GT: (um. i'm a burgundyblood, so reds are it for me.)  
CG: WHAT.  
TA: huh. that'2 weiird.  
CT: D --> So the previous leader of the humans went from a blueb100d to a rustb100d? Oh dear. I think I need a towel.  
CG: THAT LITERALLY MAKES NO SENSE. UNLESS THE GAME IS ATTEMPTING TO SHOEHORN YOU INTO THE HEMOCASTE CLOSEST TO YOUR ORIGINAL BLOOD COLOR AS A HUMAN. WHICH, LET'S FACE IT, COULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU WHERE I AM ON THE SPECTRUM OF UP SHIT CREEK WITHOUT A ROWING DEVICE.  
AG: That seems like a weakslime excuse.  
GT: (actually, i am the only rustblood.)  
GA: That Makes No Sense At All, As I Would Have Assumed Your Primary Associated Color Would Be The Deciding Factor In Your Hemocaste. What Are The Other Three Then?  
TG: whoa there are a lot of people online what time is it even for you nocturnal assholes  
CG: DAEVID! I'M SO FUCKING GLAD TO SEE YOU ONLINE.  
CG: ...DAVE. WHY DOES THAT KEEP HAPPENING?  
TG: wait  
TG: why the fuck is my text blue  
AT: uH,,, aM i THE ONLY ONE EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE ALL THE SUDDEN?  
AG: Huh. It's like the two of you swapped text colors.  
CG: DAVE. PLEASE TELL ME THAT YOU ARE NOT A BLUEBLOOD.  
TG: um im gonna be honest here and admit i havent stabbed myself yet or anything to find out which freaky non-human color my blood is now  
TG: but i will go out on a limb and say the plethora of blue shit everywhere kind of points in that direction  
TG: also apparently you all know about the part where i am a troll already  
GT: (hey daevid!)  
CG: MOSTLY BECAUSE THE THINKPANLESS WONDER GOT ONLINE BEFORE YOU.  
TA: ii mean. ii'm not complaiiniing about more red-blue 2tuff, but thii2 2hiit ii2 non2en2iical. the blue human ii2 now burgundy and the red a22hole ii2 now iindiigo.  
GA: I Wonder If That Might Make My Girlfriend A Greenblood Like Me Instead Of a Purpleblood As Her Font And Eyes Would Have Indicated.  
CT: D --> Vantas. I will be unable to obey your commands for much longer should Nepeta remain offline.  
CG: ZAHHAK IF YOU SO MUCH AS POKE YOUR GREASY AND SWEAT-DRIPPING OLFACTORYNUB OUT OF YOUR DOOR, I WILL RAIN THE MOST UNHOLY AND MALODOROUS EXCREMENT UPON YOU SO THAT ALL SHALL KNOW OF YOUR BETRAYAL BY SHEER STENCH.  
CG: I ORDER YOU TO REMAIN INDOORS UNTIL GIVEN A COMMAND THAT INDICATES OTHERWISE.  
GA: What Karkat Is Trying To Say Is That By The Time You Reach Her Hive, Nepeta Will Have Already Logged On And Been Looking For You For At Least A Few Hours.  
AT: i AM SURE NEPETA IS FINE BECAUSE SHE IS, QUITE POSSIBLY, THE TROLL WITH THE FASTEST REFLEXES IN OUR GROUP, bESIDES THOSE WHO CHEAT BY SHORT-DISTANCE ALMOST-TELEPORTING,,,  
TG: flashstepping is totally legit  
GT: (nepeta will be fine, equius. she can take care of herself.)  
CT: D --> I must go fetch a towel.  
TG: gross  
TA: diitto.  
TT: Øh gøød. It appears that thøse whøm were previøusly dead are ønce again amøngst the living. I suppøse that means we were successful in beating The Game.  
GA: Rosean! I Am Elated To See You Online!  
GA: Excuse Me. I Meant Rose.  
TG: wait  
AT: uH, tHIS SEEMS WEIRD,  
CG: NO FUCKING WAY. ARE YOU ALSO A BLUEBLOOD?  
TA: thii2 ii2 gettiing riidiiculou2.  
TT: I have nøt yet had the øppørtunity to see what new exciting cølør might be fløwing thrøugh my veins. Give me a møment and I will rectify this grøss øversight.  
CG: DON'T DO ANYTHING DRASTIC, LALOND.  
GT: (rosean, there really is no need.)  
GA: Please Do Not Harm Yourself Just For The Sake Of Science. There Are Other Ways To Determine Hemocaste.  
TT: I can cønfirm that my bløød is indeed blue. Nøt as cerulean as Serket's hue, but cløser tø Dave's new text cølør. Which is quite visually appealing, cømparatively.   
TT: Før thøse wørried, I simply pricked a finger. Nø harm døne.  
AT: tHAT MAKES TWO INDIGOBLOODS, aND ONE BURGUNDY,  
AG: Hey! No need to 8e so rude! I'm just as good as any indigo.  
CG: YES, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT THE POINT OF THIS DISCUSSION IS, SERKET. CONGRATULATIONS. PLEASE SEE YOUR NEAREST SUPPLY DROP OFF SITE FOR YOUR REWARD.  
AG: Sarcasm doesn't suit you as well as it does your m8sprit, Vantas. Although may8e changing the lack of self-esteem 8ack to your former leader 8luster is nostalgic at least.  
GT: (guys, please calm down.)  
GT: (⊡ n ⊡)  
GG: >> about fucking time i finally have an internet connection!!!!  
TG: jade!  
TA: oh for chrii2t'2 2ake!!!  
TA: why are three of you blueblood2 and only one a burgundy? iit would make more 2en2e iif iit wa2 two and two.  
CG: JADITE! PLEASE READ THE ABOVE RULES AND INFORMATION FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS SOMEWHAT DECENT ON ALTERNIA. I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANY INCIDENTS INVOLVING YOU OR JOHNNY.  
TT: It is gøød tø see yøu ønline, Jade. I take it that yøu had søme trøubles?  
GG: >> apparently living on an island always means a shitty connection, even if you are on an alien planet  
GG: >> what's this about rules?  
GA: Our Esteemed Leader Has Taken It Upon Himself To Give Us A Guide For Etiquette During Our First Few Nights Back On Alternia. Or I Suppose First Few Nights Ever On Alternia For Some Of You.  
TA: 2he mean2 he ii2 blowiing a lot of hot aiir out hii2 wa2techute and beiing a control freak.  
AG: For once I agree with our doomsayer.  
GG: >> well i'm not sure about all that, but does anyone else seem to have changed species yet again??  
AT: wHAT DO YOU MEAN AGAIN?  
TG: yeah welcome to the troll side harley hope you like the color gray  
GG: well i used to be part dog, so i guess for me this is just icing on the cake  
CG: IS YOUR LOCATION SECURE THEN? I SUPPOSE AN ISLAND WOULD BE RELATIVELY SAFE IN TERMS OF OTHER TROLLS, BUT THERE COULD ALWAYS BE SOME AMPHIBIOUS BASTARDS LURKING NEARBY. USE EXTREME CAUTION IF YOU VENTURE TOO FAR FROM YOUR HIVE. WE ARE ALL WITHOUT GODTIER NOW, SO YOU WILL HAVE TO RELY ON YOUR STRIFE SPECIBUS.  
TT: I believe Jade will be quite capable øf defending herself shøuld the øccasiøn call før it.  
GG: >> nothing exciting yet, but i haven't really had a chance to explore. perhaps there are other trolls around  
GG: >> i'm certainly not planning on going anywhere unarmed, if that's what you mean  
AG: Exploring sounds way more interesting than this memo. I do wonder a8out my new neigh8ors.  
CG: I LITERALLY WROTE UP RULES EXPLAINING WHY THAT MIGHT BE A BAD IDEA, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT. SURE, SERKET. GO GET MAIMED OR MURDERED BY ANOTHER HIGHBLOOD FOR TRESPASSING ONTO THEIR LAWNRING BECAUSE YOU ARE BORED OF TALKING TO YOUR CREW. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVEN'T DONE WORSE. OH WAIT. YOU HAVE.  
CT: D --> I have returned.  
TA: wa2 that even iin thii2 tiimeliine?  
GA: Karkat Does Bring Up A Good Point, In A Very Obscure Way. Many Of Us Still Have Unresolved Inclade Drama That We Should Address. Privately, Of Course.  
GG: >> what is an inclade?  
TG: it is sort of like a friend circle  
TT: An inclade, ør a crew as the møre mødern terminøløgy, is a grøup øf trølls that have strøng bønds between them, usually due tø relatiønships between members. Før example, øne clade may include myself and Kanaya due tø øur matespritship, which means that shøuld I find a møirail, they wøuld be a part øf øur clade. Høwever, their øwn matesprit wøuld ønly be part øf Kanaya's inclade, as a relatiønship twice removed. These are trølls øne wøuld gø øut øf their way tø aid ør interact with øn a regular basis. Friendship is a unique nøtiøn to their culture, but recøgnizable in a way thrøugh inclades.  
CG: THANK YOU, LALOND. THAT IS A VERY TEXTBOOK ANSWER WHEN REALITY IS A LOT MORE STICKY, BUT IT GIVES THE GENERAL IDEA OF THE CONCEPT.  
TG: what about me i helped  
CG: YOU DIDN'T EVEN TRY, DAEVID. IT WAS LIKE WATCHING A BARKBEAST SHIT ALL OVER YOUR FAVORITE FLOORCOVERING AND THEN ROLL IN IT. I KNOW THAT WE'VE GONE OVER INCLADES BEFORE.  
GG: >> so wait. are all of us almost inclade then? because there are not nearly as many relationships connecting us all as that example would suggest. unless maybe i missed out on a lot more stuff during the yellow yard than i thought  
CG: NOT ALL OF THEM ARE QUADRANT RELATIONSHIPS. SURVIVING A TRAUMATIC ORDEAL IS ALSO A BONDING EXPERIENCE FOR TROLLS. ALSO, REMIND ME TO SCHOOLFEED YOU LATER ON QUADRANTS VERSUS CORNERS, HARLEY.  
AG: Ah yes, that sounds positively riveting. I definitely should sit here and read all of this for 8 hours.  
CG: FUCK OFF SERKET.  
CG: AND BY FUCK OFF I MEAN STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE AND TRY NOT TO CAUSE ANY TROUBLE UNTIL YOUR MOIRAIL GETS ONLINE.  
TA: two be faiir, we al2o have a me22 of quadrant2 or po22iible quadrant2 now everyone ii2 aliive agaiin.  
GA: We Even Have Four New Members Of The Inclade. Nepeta Will Be Thrilled For A Chance To Update Her Shipping Wall.  
AT: tHAT IS VERY TRUE, wE HAVEN'T HAD NEW MEMBERS FOR A LONG TIME,,,  
TT: I suppøse there are quite a few things that we shøuld catch  up øn nøw that SBURB is øver. Jade, I am sending yøu a private message.  
AG: You aren't the 8oss of me, Vantass. You weren't even a very good leader after our session. Look at how many dead 8odies piled up.

Your bloodpusher plummets. She is right. You gave up being the leader of this merry band of murdering misfits a sweep and a half ago. Rejected the responsibility, is more like it. There really is no reason for you to be acting like you have any right to tell them what to do anymore.

TG: gurl you better step off my man  
GT: (VRISKA!)  
GT: (you are being a huge bitch, and i'm very disappointed in you.)  
GT: (you fucking apologize. this instant.)  
GT: (＃`皿´)  
AG: Sheesh! Fine!  
AG: I'm sorry for hurting your little wiggler feelings, Karkat.  
AT: wHOA,  
GA: Oh My.  
CT: D --> It is e%tremely inappropriate for you to so STRONGLY order Serket around like that, considering your status.  
TA: EQ do u2 all a favor and 2hut up. he ju2t got VK two apologi2e. ii thiink we need two form a holiiday ba2ed on hiim.  
TT: Interesting. I thøught ønly Terezi cøuld rein in her rather exhausting cøunterpart.  
CG: I THINK I AM IN SHOCK. WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED HERE?  
GG: >> was that a quadrant thing or an inclade thing??  
AG: I am a moirailed troll. So no! No quadranting th8ngs are happening!  
GA: I Do Believe That There Is A Lot Of Cross-Cultural Communication That Needs To Happen Before We Can Even Begin To Answer That Question, Jadite.  
AT: aLSO THERE ARE SO MANY OF YOU, lIKE IN THE DREAMBUBBLES IT WAS, mAYBE, HARD TO KEEP TRACK OF ALL THE DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF HUMANS, eSPECIALLY THE ONES WHO LOOK THE SAME PERSON BUT ARE NOT,  
TG: actually does anyone know what happened to the young versions of our respective guardians slash ectoparents  
CG: I HAVE NO CLUE. THEY WERE NOT ON MY CHUMP ROLL, BUT MAYBE ONE OF YOU HAS THEM? IF SO, INVITE THEM TO THIS DEBACLE.  
TT: I am sømewhat disappøinted that Røxy and the øthers dø nøt appear øn my cøntacts list. Høwever if we are trølls nøw, they likely assumed the røle øf øur ancestørs.  
CG: OH.  
TG: you mean like they died thousands of years ago or however that shit works  
TT: That wøuld be the crude summary øf the situatiøn, yes.  
TG: well that fucking sucks  
TA: at lea2t they aren't 2tuck on alterniia liike u2.  
AA: i could always try to reach out to their ghosts if they are still around  
AT: aRADIA IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU ONLINE, aND ALSO HAPPY,  
CG: NOT TO BE RUDE, BUT CONSIDERING EVERYONE ELSE'S STATES, ARE YOU PERHAPS NOT A CREEPY GHOST?  
AA: i am in fact not a ghost creepy or otherwise which is most wonderful! :)  
TT: Well that is møst førtuitøus.  
AT: i AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU, ARADIA, }:D  
GA: Despite The Game Placing Us Back On Alternia, It Has Otherwise Proven To Be Most Beneficial To Our Group.  
TG: wait are creeper ghosts something we have to worry about on this planet because i want to know if i am safe when i shower  
GG: >> ghosts?? as in real ghosts that you can actually talk to and stuff????  
AA: yes! all burgundybloods are able to see and talk to ghosts  
AA: some can make ghosts visible for other trolls or perhaps even semi-corporeal  
GG: >> that is awesome!!  
AG: I am also very glad you are alive, as getting another ro8ot from Equius would have 8een 8oth difficult and less than ideal considering what happened last time. I have learned from my past misdeeds, and I hope we can leave 8ygones as 8ygones. That goes for you too, Tavros.  
CG: HOLY SHIT WHAT ARE MY OCULARGLOBES BEING SUBJECTED TO RIGHT NOW? IS *VRISKA SERKET* ACTUALLY ATTEMPTING TO AWKWARDLY APOLOGIZE FOR HER PAST MISTAKES? SOMEONE CHECK THE SKY FOR INCOMING METEORS, BECAUSE SURELY IT IS THE SECOND COMING OF THE APOCALYPSE AND WE MISSED OUR CHANCE TO JUMP SHIP.  
TT: Interesting indeed. Yøu are full øf surprises tønight, Serket.  
AA: vriska i am nowhere near as troubled as you seem to think i would be  
AA: i did have literal sweeps of being a godtier in charge of dreambubbles to get over it  
AT: i, uH, AM NOT SURE YET HOW I FEEL ABOUT THIS,  
CT: D --> This is highly irregular.  
AT: i THINK AT LEAST THAT I AM WILLING TO GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE, bUT IF YOU START ANY BAD STUFF AGAIN I WILL NOT EXACTLY BE SURPRISED?  
GA: I Did Not Expect To See Such Candor Coming From You, Vriska. I Sincerely Hope This Marks The Turning Of A New Leaf For You.  
GG: >> wait, isn't john a burgundyblood too?  
AG: I understand, Tavros. I am disappointed that I f8cked up so spectacularly that you have c8me to expect such 8ehavior from me, 8ut that just means that I will have to work that much hard8r to prove I am the most awes8me hatefriend.  
GG: >> does that mean he can talk to ghosts???  
TA: that ii2 generally how p2ychiic power2 work for bloodca2te2.  
TG: oh snap thats like a wet dream come true for him  
AT: pLEASE DO NOT TRY TO PROVE YOURSELF BY, pERHAPS, CAUSING ANYONE PAIN OR DISMEMBERMENT,  
TG: how about that egbert  
TG: you finally can be one of the ghostbusters  
TG: you are the nerdy tall awkward guy with the glasses though and not the suave one  
AA: are the ghostbusters a type of human fighting class  
GG: >> it was a movie and a series of sort of terrible spin offs and video games that john loves  
GA: Ah. This Then Would Be A Good Thing For Him To Be Associated With As A Lowblood.  
TG: ...  
TG: egbert are you afk or something  
CG: HEY DINGBAT! AT LEAST POST SOMETHING BEFORE YOU GET UP AND LEAVE YOUR HUSKTOP. IT IS A COMMON FUCKING COURTESY, YOU WASTE OF AIR. DID YOU LEARN TROLLNET ETIQUETTE IN A BEAST HOLDING FACILITY?

There is a brief lull in the conversation as everyone waits for the remaining few to make their way online. Not seeing an immediate need for your intervention abilities, you wander towards your mealblock. You make a small snack to take upstairs, trying your hardest to ignore that there are quite a few ingredients in your thermal hull that you never had before The Game. Whatever. You will figure out how to cook them later.

Once the food is ready, you head back to your husktop. It does not take long to catch up on what has happened. Nothing important. You are somewhat worried about those who have not contacted anyone yet. Namely Gamzee, since he had been locked in a meal vault prior to being released once again onto Alternia. Hopefully he is viewing this as a second chance to atone for his mistakes and not an opportunity to try and murder everyone again.

GG: >> so what are the current group relationships anyway?  
AT: uH, uM, tHAT IS MAYBE NOT APPROPRIATE,  
GA: Oh Shush. Quadrant Gossip Is A Time-Honored Tradition Of All Castes And Ages. The Oldest Relationship Would Be The Moirallegiance Formed By Equius And Nepeta. They Are Practically The Platonic Ideal All Other Pairs Strive For In A Diamond.  
TT: Kanaya and I are matesprits. Which is similar tø the øld human rømance system.  
TA: AA ii2 my moiiraiil and FF iis my matespriit  
AA: yep :)  
CG: I AM CURRENTLY ALSO ENGAGED IN A FLUSHED RELATIONSHIP. EVEN THOUGH THE DICKMUNCH IS SOMETIMES A MORON WHO TALKS TOO MUCH ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP TO OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE NO BUSINESS STICKING THEIR NOSES IN OUR QUADRANT.  
TG: thanks bae love you too  
GG: >> wait. you and karkat????  
GG: >> i don't know how i feel about that  
TG: what about me being gay  
TG: me doing the theoretical horizontal tango with another dude  
TG: the beast with two backs  
GG:>> what?!?  
TG: the under sheets shuffle  
TG: doing the do  
GG: >> ew!!!  
GG: >> no, dave. i mean he's a fuckass. you could do so much better  
CT: D --> I agree with this fellow indigob100d.  
AT: i THINK, i UH, mIGHT HAVE TO, mAYBE, GO,  
TG: oh  
CG: ONCE AGAIN SHARING TOO MUCH INFORMATION WITH EVERYONE. DAEVID, YOU HAVE REALLY OUTDONE YOURSELF THIS TIME. SO MUCH FOR MAKING A GOOD IMPRESSION FOR ONE OF THE TWO PEOPLE YOU WERE MOST CONCERNED ABOUT TELLING THIS STUFF TO. AFTER THE DISASTROUS CONVERSATION WITH JOHNNY, I WAS NOT SURE YOU COULD DO WORSE. YET HERE YOU ARE. PROVING ME WRONG ONCE AGAIN.  
TT: Dø nøt be disheartened, Karkat. He cannøt help himself.  
GG: >> any others?  
GA: Well, There Were Also Many Relationships That Did Not Last. Perhaps It Would Be Best Not To Bring Them Up Here.  
AG: Hey! You're forgetting a8out me! Terezi and I are moirails.  
GT: (what?)  
TG: wb john  
TG: dont read anything else from when you were gone its all boring shit anyway  
TT: There is nø need to be sø nervous, Dave.  
GT: (i couldn't care less about your dumb gay butt.)  
GT: (what is this about you and terezi, vriska?)  
GG: >> !!!!  
TA: hahahaha!!  
AG: What do y8u mean, what a8out us?!?  
AG: We are the 8est diamond. You don't ev8n know!  
GT: (you know her future self had me punch you out on the meteor, right?)  
AG: Well, duh! That's what kept me from 8eing an idiot and taking on Jack 8efore we were ready.  
AG: Without her interference, I never would have 8ecome as awesome as I am now. And I might have 8een dead.  
GT: (huh. that's... weird.)  
CT: D --> That is moirallegiance.  
TG: wait  
TG: so are you saying youre okay with all of this  
CG: UGH, DAVE!  
GT: (all of what?)  
TG: all of the homosexuals everywhere  
TG: me being gay  
GT: (um, yeah. i mean. rosean is like a raging lesbian and she is still my best friend.)  
GT: (i mean, i hope we are still best friends.)  
TT: Øf cøurse we are, Jøhn.  
GT: (⊡ ▽ ⊡)  
GA: That Is Adorable.  
CG: SEE? YOU ARE BEATING A DEAD HOOFBEAST. HE DOESN'T CARE IN THE SLIGHTEST.  
TG: forgive me for being a bit paranoid after thirteen years of that bullshit built into my psyche  
AA: can i ask why johnny would care at all about these made up terms  
GG: >> i have no idea. i guess for some humans dating the same gender was kind of tabboo  
TA: what? how doe2 that even work? you ju2t iignore half the populatiion??  
CG: THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN SAYING! IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE, BUT IN THEIR CULTURE THERE WAS A PROCREATIVE REASON FOR SUCH STEROTYPES. HOWEVER, FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND THEY REPRODUCE IN SUFFICIENT NUMBERS, SO REALLY IT IS A HORRIBLE THING FOR THEIR PRIMATE BRAINS TO LATCH ON TO AS AN IMPORTANT AND IMMUTABLE FACT OF LIFE. LET'S NOT EVEN GET INTO THE OTHER ASPECTS THEY HAD ASS-BACKWARDS.  
TT: If any øf yøu wøuld like møre inførmatiøn abøut human culture, sexuality, and gender identity, I wøuld be happy tø answer any questiøns privately tø the best øf my ability.  
TA: yeah that 2ounds riivetiing and all, but ii thiink ii am goiing two go 2leep iin2tead.  
AA: take something for your panache first<>  
TA: publiic memo AA. plea2e.  
TG: yeah talk about too much information  
CG: SHUT UP, DAEVID.  
GG: >> so are we adopting the quadrant system now that we are trolls?? because right now the two of you are just in the one that is like our regular dating from what i understand  
TT: I must admit that I have been interested in the øther førms øf trøll rømance. Particularly øf the ashen variety. Høwever, the øppørtunity never presented itself previøusly.  
AA: strange  
AA: most trolls find being a midleaf a thankless task  
TG: i mean i wouldnt mind giving the diamond thing a try  
TG: if the right guy was interested  
CT: D --> As a fellow indigob100d and a moirailed troll, I could be available to provide assistance in vetting any potential romantic partners.  
CG: IT'S NOT LIKE THEY ARE GOING TO DATE ANYONE OUTSIDE OF THE INCLADE, ZAHHAK.  
GG: >> it sounds like the consensus thus far is pro quadrants  
GA: What Are Your Thoughts, Johnny?  
CG: HE PROBABLY IS STILL LOCKED IN ON HIS ASSERTION THAT ROMANCE IS DUMB AND NOT SOMETHING THAT WE HAVE TIME FOR, REGARDLESS OF THE FACT THAT WE DID JUST BEAT THE GAME AND HAVE NOTHING BUT TIME ON OUR HANDS.  
GT: (romance isn't just dumb- it's dead.)  
GG: >> yikes!!  
TG: thats a little dramatic bro  
CG: I WILL END YOU.  
AG: Sheesh! Who dumped you to make you so 8itter, Johnny?  
CG: SERIOUSLY, JOHNNY. YOU CAN'T JUST SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND EXPECT ME TO TAKE SUCH A CHALLENGE LYING DOWN. YOU WERE INTERESTED IN BOTH TEREZI AND DAEVID'S FEMALE ANCESTOR'S YOUNG VERSION TOWARD THE END OF THE GAME. YOU CANNOT KEEP PRETENDING TO BE COMPLETELY AMBIVALENT ABOUT DATING SOMEONE.  
GT: (funnily enough, i've never been dumped in any universe or doomed timeline.)  
GT: (probably because no one wants to date the fool too stupid to catch a hint.)  
GT: (and even if they did, i'd likely ruin it because i'm the idiot of the group, remember?)  
GT: (herp fucking derp.)  
GT: (;⊡ Д ⊡)  
GA: !!!  
TG: jesus christ egbert are you okay right now  
TG: i mean obviously not but you get the idea  
CG: HOLY FUCK.  
GG: >> no one ever said you were an idiot!!  
GT: (just forget it.)  
GT: (i'm going offline.)  
TG: wait dont- aaand hes already gone  
CG: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?  
GA: I Believe That The Humans' Leader Just Lost His Temper And Revealed More Self-Awareness Than I Realized He Was Capable Of.  
TG: rose why didnt you say something  
TT: I admit that I am quite taken aback. Jøhn has always taken øur quips in stride and with gøød humør. This episøde was entirely unprøvøked.  
CG: I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT KIND OF SELF-DEPRECIATION AND LOATHING SINCE... EVER. LIKE I AM ACUALLY LEGITIMATELY WORRIED ABOUT HIM RIGHT NOW, AND NONE OF US EVEN KNOW WHERE HE LIVES. I'M GOING TO MURDER HIM IF HE DOES ANYTHING STUPID.  
AG: And you all claim I'm the drama queen of the crew!!!!!!!!  
AA: i am not quite sure what is going on but i feel like that was just the tip of the large floating frozen water hazard

You feel a chill run up your posture pole at the thought that maybe your creepy friend is right. If Johnny had been hiding how he really felt about always being the butt of the other humans' jokes, then what else could be wrong? If his cheerful facade was just that- a mask he put on for others- then what is the truth? Looking at his life through a computer screen, you had thought he was incredibly dull and easily amused. When you met him in person, you thought he was a complete goober who somehow succeeded at impossible odds all the time without even trying.

You realize that you hardly know him at all.

Then again, you hardly know Jadite either. Jade. Whatever. The point is that the duo were off on their own adventures while you and the blondes were stuck on a meteor for a sweep and a half. There was plenty of time to get to know Rosean and Daevid. However, there was no way to communicate with Jadite on the battleship and Johnny was... dead, you think? Before he came from another timeline. Something like that, anyway. Why does SGRUB have to make everything so complicated?

GG: >> wow. i've never seen him so upset before :(  
GA: It Is A Shame He Seems So Set On Avoiding Quadrants, As I Believe He Would Benefit From A Moirail.  
TT: I wøuld suspect hailing frøm a døømed timeline indicates that even Jøhn might be affected by the hørrørs øf The Game. Let's give him søme time aløne.  
AA: is johnny a doomed self?  
TT: Yes.  
CG: NO.  
GG: >> sort of?  
CG: WHAT?  
CT: D --> This is most confusing.  
GG: >> the one from our timeline died when lowas exploded and i was all alone on the battleship  
GG: >> but then johnny came from a different timeline that was also an alpha timeline, but things went so bad that he retconned the entire thing  
GG: >> and his retcon timeline is our original one  
AA: two alpha timelines  
AA: most intriguing!!  
TG: you mean while we were all alive and shit he was not  
TG: but he also sort of was in that a version of him from another future popped in to take our johns place  
GG: >> well, i mean, they are both our john  
GG: >> just now john has memories of stuff that never happened on our end  
GA: That Must Be Frustrating For Him.  
TG: what even happened in that alternate future that was so bad  
CG: YEAH, I DON'T THINK WE ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION.  
CG: THERE IS NO WAY THAT IT IS NOT AWFUL. I MEAN, CONSIDERING THE NUMBER OF LOSSES WE ALREADY INCURRED, IT MUST HAVE BEEN SIGNIFICANT TO WARRANT AN ENTIRE RETCON WITH ONLY JOHNNY AND YOUR MOM COMING THROUGH. HE WOULD NOT HAVE LEFT ANYONE BEHIND IF THERE HAD BEEN ANY OTHER OPTION.  
TT: Indeed. I wøuld assume ønly he and Røxy survived that timeline. All the rest øf us were likely deceased.  
AG: That definitely sounds like a doomed timeline to me!  
AA: that may just be an argument of semantics  
AA: from johnny's point of view they are both alpha timelines  
AA: either that or he is the most successful doomed self to ever exist  
GG: >> who cares if he is a doomed self or not????  
GG: >> he is still john  
GG: >> and right now i am really worried about him  
CT: D --> It is none of our business what the rustb100d is doing.  
CG: JUST SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE, EQUIUS.  
GA: I Am Likewise Concerned, But There Appears To Be Little Any Of Us Can Do While He Is Offline.  
AA: if he does anything stupid the ghosts will let me know  
TT: That is perhaps nøt as cømførting a statement as yøu think.  
CC: So I'm assuming since I'm alive t)(at we won, but w)(y are we back )(--ER----E?  
CG: MY BEST GUESS IS THAT THE GAME WANTED TO FUCK US OVER ONE LAST TIME.  
CC: Glubbing figures!  
CC: )(as anyone seen Sollux?  
AA: he was online earlier, but i sent him off to coon  
TG: hello fish princess  
TG: thanks again for resurrecting the mayor  
CC: Um, w)(o?  
CG: THAT WAS A DOOMED TIMELINE VERSION OF FEFERI.  
TG: oh  
TG: well i still appreciate the assist even if it was from a different her  
CC: O)(. You're welcome t)(en. I'm always )(appy to )(elp.

As things wind down, you decide to take a small break. It is... nice. Knowing that things are somehow better than when you all began The Game. Part of you is still very worried that the thin veneer of shiny new tranquility would eventually wear off and then the hoofbeastshit would once again hit the proverbial rotational blades. Yet still, a larger part of you hopes that with the right guidance and pestering maybe this time everyone could survive whole and unmaimed.

Sure, Johnny is off throwing a hissy fit about no one liking him, but he will be back online within the night. And, okay, there is still the fact Gamzee has not come online, but he was back on your guys' side at the end of The Game. (You think.) Perhaps he had always been, and that is a strange thought considering everything. Of the other murder spree assholes, only Eridan is concerning, but you have dealt with him enough to know that his wallowing in self-pity can take at least a few nights if not a whole wipe.

All in all, you are happy for the assholes. The trolls all have a fresh slate to start from this time. The humans finally get to experience what it is like having a real romantic entanglement now that they have quadrants and not that one-person birdshit where they only wanted matesprits. Seriously that had to have been ridiculously hard to manage. It might take them a brief adjustment period... Oh well, they would all figure it out eventually. It is not like you could be the literal relationship guru when you had so many other pressing matters to attend to. Namely what the fuck are you going to do now that your boyfriend is a highblood.


	2. Pilfered

There is something to say about having a real body again. Mostly that it is entirely more hard than you remember. Unlike your former mental representation of your dead self, this body has changed. Aged. Your hips are wide and curvy and oh so perfect for getting a good stance to throw a 2x3dent. Somehow your hair is even longer and more unruly, becoming a mass of tendrils that follow wherever you swim. The grubfat from your cheeks are gone, leaving you with high cheekbones and full lips. 

You hate it.

Every time you see your reflection, you instead see _her_. Not even the kid version of her that you sort of idolized and hoped to be as cool as someday, but the legit adult and horrifying version. Your faces are not quite identical yet, but you can see how it will be that way one night soon. The loathing for her and everything she stands for and everything she did to ruin your planet all sticks in the back of your throat like bile. 

Beforus was not perfect, not by a long shot, but it was much better than Alternia. And the Empress had been the one to change all of that. You know why, at least. A few of the Araneas had been more than happy to tell you everything they knew about the influence Lord English had on shaping your world. Yet still there is this pervasive feeling that Her Imperial Condescension had simply _wanted_ to fuck everything up- either that or she had given up all hope of ever having real agency again. You are not yet quite sure which option is more terrifying. 

Sollux has been an absolute doll in dealing with your sudden apprehension of meeting up face to face. Last time he saw you, you were six sweeps old and soft and so easy to pity. Now you are unsure how he can ever look at your face and see anything but the adult who wanted to turn him into a batterygrub for her spaceship. Will he ever be able to still feel the same pity for you? Or are you doomed to vacillation between pitch and flush?

If only you had a reel morayeel to glub at about all this stuff. But you and Eridan broke up ages ago, and even before then it was more a chore than a relationship. While several of your crew are cute, there are none that you ever were particularly pale for. In fact, the mere thought of acting as someone else's conciliator leaves a sour taste in your mouth. Bluh. When your husktop trills, you are more than happy to turn your attention to other things. Like a new memo board! 

AG: Ugh! Yet another one?   
GA: This Group Chat Seems Quite A Mix Of Trolls.   
GG: >> girls only board!!!!   
TT: I am nøt quite sure what we are attempting tø accømplish here.   
AA: good evening everyone   
GG: >> well, maybe YOU are used to the idea of troll culture   
GG: >> but i kind of got thrown to the deep end here and need help   
CC: W)(ale, t)(at certainly sounds like a problem.  
AC: :33 < *ac wonders what could pawsibly be wrong already*  
GC: DO3S TH1S H4V3 4NYTH1NG TO DO W1TH K4RK4T'S R4G3 M3MO?  
GG: >> no!!!!  
GG: >> okay, maybe  
GG: >> but only because he thinks i am hitting on him when i am obviously not!!!!  
AG: Hahahaha! Talk a8out classic Karkat! Always screaming profanities at everyone and then freaking out when they lash out back at him.  
GA: While This Does Indeed Sound Like Cultural Misunderstandings Are Happening, I Must Question As To Why You Invited Only Female Trolls.  
TT: Ah, I see.  
TT: Cultural misunderstandings øf multiple kinds. Øn Earth, the primary pøpulatiøn that had tø deal with unwanted advances were wømen due to their perceived løwer søcietal standing. Men had privilege and øften had nø idea høw annøying their persistence cøuld be.  
CC: T)(at sounds glubbing awful!!  
AG: Yeah, talk a8out weird!  
AG: The only unwanted advances any of us have had to deal with are from Eridan, 8ut he does it to the guys, too.  
AA: speak for yourselves  
GC: WH4T? 4R4D14, 1S SOM3ON3 BOTH3R1NG YOU? B3C4US3 1 W1LL PROS3CUT3 TH3M TO TH3 FULL3ST 3XT3NT OF THE L4W.  
GC: W1TH MY SWORD.  
AA: you are all midbloods or higher, so i would assume you do not get the sleazebags as often as i do  
AA: as a lowblood, there are always shady trolls hitting on me  
AA: hang on, actually 

\-- apocalypseArisen [AA] has invited ghostyTrickster [GT] , adiosToreador [AT] , and twinArmageddons [TA] to the memo --

AA: we are talking about unwanted romantic advances, boys  
AA: anyway, you learn to get used to it eventually  
AC: :33 < *the mighty hunterrorist has never had anyone hit on her like that*  
TA: NP, you liive iin a cave. where would you even 2ee other troll2 for them two hiit on you??  
TA: AA iis riight, though. you get u2ed two iit.  
GC: NOT 4PPL3B3RRY BL4ST TOO!  
GC: NOW 1 R34LLY W4NT TO HUNT DOWN SOM3 F13NDS.  
CC: I'm w)(it)( Terezi! T)(is is glubbing UNACC--EPTABL-----E!!!  
AT: i, uM, dO NOT THINK i REALLY EVER GOT USED TO IT, bUT I ALSO FIND IT HIGHLY UNCOMFORTABLE FOR OTHERS TO FLIRT WITH ME,  
GG: >> guys this is just making me really sad and upset  
AC: :33 < *ac thinks that maybe you should all move away to caves too*  
GT: (nepeta, you also have equius as a moirail.)  
GT: (anyone hitting on you would have to be suicidal.)  
TA: amen.  
AA: very true  
TT: Yøu are alsø a løwbløød, Jøhn. Have yøu dealt with this phenømenøn?  
GC: UNL1K3LY. H1S HORNS C4NNOT B3 N34RLY 4S 1MPR3SS1V3 AS TAVROS'S S3T.  
GT: ┐(⊡-⊡)┌   
GT: (try anytime i'm out in public.)   
GT: (i think i've been groped at least a dozen times now.)  
AG: Do I need to shank a 8itch????????  
GG: >> WHAT???  
GA: I Am Aghast At The Lack Of Manners Our Peers Have Displayed.  
AT: i DON'T EVEN HAVE IT THAT BAD,  
GT: (you and aradia at least live out in rural areas.)  
GT: (i'm in the subgrubs with other trolls everywhere. public transportation. crowded supply dropoff sites.)  
GT: (the midblood sections of town are the WORST.)  
GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU 3V3N DO1NG 1N TH3 M1DBLOOD S3CT1ONS OF TOWN, JOHNNY? TH4T 1S SO R1SKY FOR 4 BURGUNDY.  
TA: waiit. TZ iis riight. even ii avoiid leaviing my hiivestem unle22 ii ab2olutely need two.  
TT: Jøhn. Be a dear and send me yøur løcatiøn.  
GT: (no, you can't show up and cull half my subgrub, rosean.)  
GT: (it's getting fairly empty these nights anyway.)  
GG: >> okay, ENOUGH!!!  
GG: >> all i wanted was advice on how to deal with karkat, but this has gotten way out of hand!!  
AC: :33 < being in a relationship with karkitty wouldn't be all that bad  
AG: 8luh. Says you!  
CC: S)(orely we can work t)(at out as well, but I won't forget t)(is ot)(er business.  
GC: 4S SOM3ON3 WHO PR3V1OUSLY H4D TO D34L W1TH K4RKL3S' MUDDL3D 4DV4NC3S, T4K3 MY 4DV1C3. T3LL H1M 1N NO UNC3RT41N T3RMS TH4T YOU 4R3N'T 1NT3R3ST3D. TH3N 4VO1D H1M 4ND W41T FOR SOM3ON3 3LS3 TO C4TCH H1S 4TT3NT1ON.  
GC: TH4T'S WH4T 1 D1D.  
TT: I am afraid that unless we cløne my ectøsibling, that plan is unlikely tø succeed.  
AG: What Terezi means is find someone else for him to focus on.  
GG: >> what, like someone else he can black flirt with??  
TA: he'2 been biitchiing about JN beiing offliine. siic hiim on the iidiiot iin2tead.

\-- ghostyTrickster [GT] has left the memo --

GA: Oh My.  
TA: hahahaha!!  
GC: COW4RD.  
CC: Sollux!  
TA: what??  
AA: that was not very nice  
AG: What was that a8out?  
AC: :(( < is johnny avoiding karkat?  
TT: Jøhn has been møst fickle in his ønline habits, but I have nøted that he døes avøid certain tøpics and trølls with alarming determinatiøn.  
AC: :(( < that's a shame. i thought they would make a real cute pitch couple.  
GG: >> bluh!!!  
GG: >> john could do so much better. besides, if he is avoiding karkat then he is not interested either  
GA: I Would Have To Agree With That Synopsis.  
CC: S)(ore sounds like )(e is getting t)(e t)(ird degree as well.  
GG: >> which brings me back to my original problem  
GG: >> he's still blowing up my inbox  
GG: >> help :(   
GA: The Solution Is Simple. Block Him So That He Can No Longer Contact You.  
GG: >> sure, but what about all the group chats and memo boards that he will derail to berate me for not talking to him?  
TA: ii can code an exten2iion for you.

As the conversation turns to coding and technology, you begin to tune them out. It is wonderful to see your matesprit so excited, but you honestly do not know what he is talking about half the time. (Heh, half the time! You should tell him that one.) That and keeping up with your crew is sometimes downright exhausting. Especially since now it is even bigger!

At least the humans are cute. Especially Jadite. You remember back on the meteor you had introduced her to the horrorterrors after convincing them to glub up the dreambubbles for all your dead and dreaming selves to mingle. She had not been a fan at the time, but you suppose that Prospit dreamers just never would be as comfortable with the Elder Gods as you.

Having nothing else to do tonight, you decide to go out hunting. It has been a couple nights since your return to Alternia, and your lusus is sure to be hungry. (She almost always is.) You swim for shallower waters and begin tracking the schools of oceanic beasts. 

There is a certain catharsis associated with hunting down (what you hope are) wild lususes, even if you would rather not admit it. None of them are a challenge, of course. Not after The Game. Still, it lets you release some of your pent up violent tendencies. And it feeds your once-again-alive lusus so that she does not release the Vast Glub and kill everyone. Win-win! 

You almost miss Eridan, though. Almost. He was just so much help with feeding your lusus! Then again, he was really only interested in the part where you let him kill landdwellers. Anything where you let him wantonly destroy and murder, really. Glubbing sigh. That relationship had been a real drag from start to finish. There is being someone's conciliator and then there is... whatever that was. After talking to a few of his ghosts, though, you understand that he never really felt pale about you, so it was a doomed moirallegiance from the start. 

After collecting enough big white creatures, you deploy a huge net and start swimming towards the trench. It is quite a workout to haul all this underwater, but your older body is strong and sure. You briefly wonder if she has been doing this the past sweep and a half that you were in dream bubbles. Huh, that would be weird. This version of you having a different life than your own. Seems like something you should ask one of the Time players about when you have the chance.

As you release your haul and watch your lusus feed, your mind wanders. With Gl'bgolyb back, there is another worry that has begun to make itself known. Her whisperings no longer speak of the unification (and end) of your species, but her allegiance is still shifted to you. Which means that your ancestor is very far away, yet also very much alive. 

This is a problem. Namely the fact that you will have to eventually fight her to the death not only for the fate of the Empire, but because your lusus will demand it. She can only truly serve one troll, of course. Her support may sway primarily from one to another right now, but it cannot last. You are on borrowed time. 

Fighting your ancestor was never really part of your game plan. After you began learning of the unification of your races through the apocalypse, you had stopped training for a ritualistic fight to the death. Besides, your lusus had seen to any assassination attempts. Thus you feel woefully unprepared for the rapidly-approaching battle. You need more practice. 

An idea suddenly strikes you.

You need to glub at Equius! He builds fighting robots, and he has always been so helpful! You are certain that if you ask him, he will be more than happy to supply you with some machines to defeat. It does not entirely ease your worries, but having a plan of action always makes you feel better. That, and you get to destroy some stuff all in good fun.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

CC: S)(ello there, Equius!  
CC: I was )(oping I could ask you for a favor.  
CT: D--> Of course, Heiress. How might I assist you?  
CC: No need to be so formal, you s)(elly thing!  
CC: We're all crew )(ere. Even the )(umans!  
CT: D--> Is that an order?  
CC: No, I suppose not. I won't force you to one way or anot)(er.  
CC: You do w)(atever makes you comfortable.  
CT: D--> You are too kind, Heiress.  
CC: Well, I don't know about all T)(AT, but I certainly )(ope I'm better t)(an t)(e )(eiresses before me.  
CC: None of t)(eir records were particularly favorable.  
CC: Quite a few of t)(em tried demonstrating t)(eir ability to rule wit)( an iron fist, only to )(ave it all come cras)(ing down around t)(em.  
CC: I prefer my met)(ods. ---ESP-----ECIALLY w)(en it comes to culling!  
CT: D--> Forgive my interruption, but you mentioned a favor?  
CC: Of course!  
CC: I wanted to ask if you could )(elp me wit)( some training!  
CT: D--> Oh my.  
CT: D--> I am afraid I will have to STRONGLY deny your request.  
CT: D--> I could not risk harming you.  
CC: W)(ale your strengt)( is legendary, but I was t)(inking of fig)(ting somet)(ing more mec)(anical.  
CC: Are you still making robots?

He is in fact still making robots. Or at least he still has all the necessary tools and supplies to do so. There are apparently a few models lying around that he distinctly does not remember making, but he assures you that they are of fine quality. Then he asks if you have any particular requirements or specifications for these machines.

You quickly realize that the best source of information would be the ones who actually fought her. You... are not sure which of your crew were left for that particular battle. The prospect that the Empress is alive again is probably going to freak a few of them out. It is something you will have to take care in mentioning. Maybe you will put a pin on that idea and bring it up later after everyone is settled. 

Glub! There is a lot of stress in your new life. A snack break is just what the medicutioner ordered! After pulling some leftovers out of your meal trunk, you greedily devour the morsels. It looks like soon you will need to go hunting for yourself as well. Either that or actually make a trip surfaceside for your ridiculous allowencollection. You are completely minding your own business when the person in the mirror catches you by surprise.

You cannot stand how much you look like _her_.

Furious, you grab the dagger precariously perched on your vanity, placed there after it was confiscated from a would-be assassin. You have had enough. No longer will you feel ashamed of your own reflection. This is _your_ body and you are tired of it giving you palpations every time you see it. Your collapsing and expanding bladder based aquatic vascular system will not be able to take it.

So you do what you can to make it look different. In a fit, you hack and saw and slice until the water around you is choked with long black tresses. You do not stop until you cannot grab anything else off your head. This is much messier than you expected. It is likely going to take you nights to get all the hair out of your ablutionblock. 

Surveying the damage, you bubble out a laugh. Wow! That is quite the hack job. If you were a stylist, you would fire yourself. Oh well. What is done is done. You will have to see if one of your friends can help you even out the mangled tufts left behind. Hmm, or maybe you could just shave it all the way. Yeah, that seems like the easiest salvage procedure. 

It turns out it was only easier in theory, though. You eventually do manage to scrape off the remaining hair with the dagger without scalping yourself. It was a lot harder than you ever imagined. You will definitely ask for some help next time. Maybe Tavros? He shaves the sides of his head for his mohawk thing. 

By the time you return to your husktop, there is a memo called IN THREE NIGHTS WE ARE HAVING A MANDATORY MEETING AND YES THAT MEANS YOU, NOOKWHIFF.

GG: >> i never got to spend much time with all of you during the game  
GG: >> this will be so much fun!!!  
AA: it is very exciting to have everyone in one place again soon  
CG: I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU IDIOTS TOOK THIS LONG TO REALIZE THAT YOU ARE ALL NEIGHBORS.  
TT: Well, the likely cause øf øur tardiness is the fact øur cøfriendleader insisted that we all remain indøørs før øur safety.  
TA: oooooh burn, KK.  
AC: :33 < *the mighty hunterrorist lashes her tail from side to side eagerly*  
AT: i, uH, hOPE THAT EVERYONE ACTUALLY COMES,  
CG: THEY WILL BECAUSE IT IS FUCKING MANDATORY, TAVROS. IT'S RIGHT THERE IN THE TITLE OF THIS MEMO.  
GA: He Likely Is Referring To Our Members Who Routinely Ignore Or Avoid Online Interaction.  
CG: OH.  
CG: WELL NO NEED TO WORRY. SINCE I KNOW SEVERAL OF YOU ARE TALKING TO JOHNNY, JUST TELL HIM HE HAS TO SHOW UP OR ELSE. AS FOR THE ELUSIVE AMPORA, I AM TAKING CARE OF THAT.  
CT: D --> What about the highb100d?  
GG: >> who?  
GC: UGH, 1 H4D HOP3D NO ON3 WOULD BR1NG UP TH3 D3SPIC4BL3 CLOWN.  
TA: ii thiink maybe we 2houldn't tell hiim about the meetiing.  
TA: ii mean, he wiill probably only manage two cull mo2t of u2 before we take hiim down.  
CC: T)(ere will be absolutely no culling at our meet up!!!  
AC: :33 < *ac believes they probably will not show up anyway*  
AA: it does not help that the clown is nearly impossible to kill  
AG: I could always give their minds a little nudge if you wanted me to, oh great leader. :::;)  
CG: KEEP YOUR CAUSTIC THINKPAN OUT OF THEIR HEADS. TWO OF THEM ARE ALREADY MENTALLY UNSTABLE OR COMPLETELY STUPID. WE DON'T NEED YOU PUSHING THEM OVER THE EDGE INTO RAGEMURDER MODE.  
CG: JUST TRUST ME.  
TT: I suppøse nøne øf us even knøw where he lives, anyway. Cørrect?  
GC: OF COURS3 W3 DO. W3 JUST DON'T W4NT TO GO.  
TA: we can make one of the human2 go. he probably won't kiill them. probably.  
CG: ACTUALLY, NONE OF YOU ARE GOING.  
GA: I Like And Support This Decision.  
CG: IF THE MORON IN MAKEUP DOES NOT GET ONLINE IN TIME FOR THIS MEETING, I HAVE TO ASSUME THAT HE IS STILL ON HIS SOBER RAMPAGE AND IS ISOLATING HIMSELF FOR GOOD REASON. PROBABLY SO THAT HE DOES NOT INDEED MURDER US ALL GRUESOMELY WHEN HE DOES SEE US. HIGHBLOOD PSYCHOSIS IS STILL A THING. A THING THE FUCKING GAME LIKELY DID NOT HELP.  
AC: :33 < *ac readies her claws* well if he does come again, i will be purrfectly prepared this time  
CT: D --> That will not be necessary, Nepeta.  
CT: D --> I will not make the same mistake twice.  
CC: Now, now. No one is going to krill ANYON----E!  
CC: It is )(ereby my royal decree!  
CG: LOOK. I REALIZE THE TWO OF YOU HAVE MORE OF A GRIEVANCE TO AIR THAN MOST OF THE OTHERS HERE, BUT LET US AT LEAST TRY TO ACT LIKE CIVILIZED TROLLS. HE CAN SIT AND STEW IN HIS OWN GUILT UNTIL IT FORMS A NICE MIASMA *BEFORE* WE GO AND TEST IF HE STILL WANTS TO BE A TRAITOR. THAT EXTRA BIT OF HESITATION MIGHT MEAN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SUBDUING HIM OR HISTORY REPEATING ITSELF.  
AG: Wow, Karkat. I never knew you could 8e that devious. I feel like I'm practically in cahoots here!  
AA: that does not bode well for us  
TA: yiike2. watch your back, KK.  
GC: W3 4R3 4BSOLUT3LY NOT 1N 4NY W4Y 1N C4HOOTS W1TH 4NY OF OUR CR3W.  
AG: Oh relax! It was a figure of speech.  
GG: >> is being in cahoots a troll thing i should know about?  
AT: mAYBE, sINCE YOU ARE ALSO A HIGHBLOOD, iT IS SOMETHING vRISKA OR eQUIUS COULD TELL YOU ABOUT,  
TT: I am alsø intrigued by this terminøløgy, as I dø nøt believe I have had the pleasure øf discussing this with Kanaya ør Karkat.  
GA: It Is Not Something That Inclade Normally Do With Each Other, As Cahoots Always End With One Party Betrayed And Usually Deceased.  
TT: Ah.  
CG: *ANYWAY* THE TL;DR VERSION IS THAT I AM GOING TO PERSONALLY TAKE CARE OF THE AMPORA SIDE, JADITE CAN TALK TO HER HUMAN BROTHER, AND WE ARE ALL GOING TO LEAVE GAMZEE ALONE. UNDERSTOOD?

Everyone eventually agrees to this plan, as there is really very little one can do once Karkat has made up his mind. You actually really admire that about him! So persistent! It also means he is annoyingly stubborn. During The Game, his endless rage seemingly supplied him with plenty of energy to nag, bully, and occasionally browbeat others into doing what needed to be done. Then again, there was a reason that you stepped back and let him take the leadership role. Namely, you were already exhausted from trying to manage even one troll.

You are not particularly thrilled at the idea of seeing Eridan again. While there was plenty of time to reconcile in the dreambubbles, there is still this awkwardness to your interactions that is cringe-inducing. However, everyone else will be there as well! There are several of your crew that you are quite looking forward to seeing again, especially an alive version of them. That in itself is exciting! You can hardly wait!

There are three nights until then.

To pass the time, you practice fighting on your own. Meaning you swipe and feint and lunge at nothing in your empty rumpusblock. You probably look like a huge dork, but at least the exercise is good for you. Plus, it keeps you engaged enough to take your mind off of things. 

Obviously you do not spend the entire three nights doing weapon training. You also clean up your ablutionblock, order a metric fuckton of new makeup and clothes, and hunt for you lusus. Being productive, even on the little things, helps keep you motivated and positive. Your bubbly personality is less an immutable fact and more something you carefully cultivate. Unlike Aradia. Really, that girl and her endless enthusiasm are amazing.

After a sleepless day, you decide that now is as good a time as any to get rid of all the empty cages lying about your hive and cluttering up the place. You had released the cuttlefish that lived in them ages ago (right before The Game). Having them around just reminded you how hopelessly idealistic you were about your policies... and stupid. You had been willing to force others into degrading positions just to make yourself feel better.

The Beforan version of "culling" was never really any better than the current one. Not when it made unwilling highbloods care for frightened lowbloods transplanted from their lususes. You really wonder if there is a happy medium where you can do good without condemning the disabled to death. You hear the ping of incoming messages as you finish up captchaloguing the last of the cages. By the time you get to your computer, there have been several more.

twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

TA: hey.  
TA: hey FF.  
TA: FF.  
TA: feferii don't iignore me.  
TA: ii love you, but ii wiill totally blow up your computer for attentiion.  
CC: I'm )(ere, goodness!  
CC: Just wait a glubbing minute, Sollux!  
TA: cool.  
TA: you should look out2iide.  
TA: or ii gue22 2urface2iide iin thii2 ca2e.  
CC: W)(y would I do t)(at?  
TA: becau2e ii'm here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how does one feferi???? fffff- at least i tried to stay fairly in character, while also accounting for personal growth we never really got to see offscreen
> 
> so for those confused- the beta kids have bloodcolors corresponding with their birthdays. hence john being a rustblood ((aries)) while all the others are indigobloods ((sagittarius)). their symbols then match their canon lunar sway and aspects. meaning john is arus, sign of the wanderer. rose is sagipia, sign of the empirical. jade is sagigo, sign of the creator. and dave is sagiries, the sign of the revolutionary.


	3. Ambition

Everything is awful and it is all your fault.

You blew it. Each interaction you had with your peers only further cemented in your head that you are the only one who was realistic and practical. You were so certain that there was no way to win The Game that you had been ready to join forces with what you thought was the Big Bad but really was just a minor inconvenience compared to all the other shitheads that showed up later. So you had killed your ex-moirail, severely wounded your pitch crush, murdered Kan in cold blood, and annihilated the matriorb. You had destroyed hope.

And yet, they had continued on anyway. After your death (and the death of many others), they had kept moving forward. They faced down the teleporting howlbeast, the Empress herself, and a time-traveling immortal demon that could kill ghosts. When the session became unwinnable, they initiated the Scratch in the humans' session and then moved to a whole new universe. Everything that The Game threw at them, they overcame. They even were prepared to reestablish your species with a whole new matriorb. 

It really should come as no surprise that you were moping in a dreambubble for all of this. In fact, you never would have known about this stuff had you not somehow ended up with the dancestors. Although hearing your sleazy young ancestor drone on and on about everything that is happening while trying to sneakily feel you up is an experience you could have done without. Even your standards are not that low. 

Then again, you really did not have much of a choice. Most of the crew wanted nothing to do with you anymore, and even the dancestors had caught on to your unpopularity. You are a traitor now, something that can be applied to at least three of your inclade. Yet somehow you are even less popular than Vris, of all trolls. And who knows what Gamzee is up to at the moment, having lost his ability to become the mirthful messiahs like a Faygo-chugging idiot. Sol straight up said that he did not forgive you, and you did not even kill him. (Although not from lack of trying.)

You do not deserve to be here.

There is no amount of groveling that will make what you did alright. If you had not been in the session at all, things would probably even have gone better than they did. They did not need you then, and they definitely do not need you now. Still... they are your inclade. It is understandable that part of you wants to remain connected to them. 

So after the better part of ten nights, you apprehensively log on to Trollian. There are a lot more messages than you expected. In fact, you expected none at all. Or perhaps an angry tirade or two. Instead there are expressions of genuine concern and understanding. You do not know how to handle any of this. It is with no small amount of trepidation that you click on the first message sent chronologically.

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

AG: Alright, listen up, Ampora!   
AG: I know you 8riefly were online when we first arrived, so you are still alive.  
AG: I also know that you are going to somehow make all of this all a8out you, 8ecause that is what you do 8est.  
AG: Guess what? It's not a8out you. As much as it sucks, it also is not solely a8out me. It is a8out our whole crew righting all the wrongs we did to each other.  
AG: This is our second chance here, and I don't want you to f8ck it up!!!!!!!!  
AG: So do us all a favor and shove your supposedly legendary weapon directly up your ass, then try to actually 8e a decent h8friend to at least a couple of the inclade. It's not that hard.  
AG: Pick one of the humans, even. They are easily impressiona8le.  
AG: Failing that, just keep away from all of us. It's not like you were any use anyway, 8eing a ghost and all.

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

Yeesh! That was a mistake. Maybe you should just ignore all of these messages and turn your husktop back off. About to do just that, you pause when you realize that you have a conversation log with someone whose trolltag you do not recognize. One of the humans, perhaps? What would they possibly want with you?

ghostyTrickster [GT] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

GT: (look, i know that things are rough right now.)  
GT: (in the last universe you were dead and in a dreambubble, right?)  
GT: (i understand not wanting to talk to certain trolls. like oh boy do i.)  
GT: (karkat and daevid are blowing up my inbox as i type.)  
GT: (but you should use this as your second chance. try to make things a little better for yourself.)  
GT: (anyway, that's all i wanted to say.)

ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]   
ghostyTrickster [GT] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

GT: (actually, if you want to talk about not having anyone care about you enough to be in a relationship with you, jadite and i might have some points to commiserate with you.)  
GT: (you aren't the only single asshole in the crew.)  
GT: ┐(⊡3⊡)┌   
GT: (just saying we are here if you want to talk.)

ghostyTrickster [GT] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

There are no further messages after that offer.

Huh. That is actually... pretty considerate. Johnny simply expressed that he would be there if you felt like talking about things and then left you alone. No pushiness or guilt tripping. Nothing that could be construed as a blatant pale overture. For being one of the humans, you guess he is pretty alright. Although you suppose now he is a burgundyblood or something? Bluh, this is confusing.

As you debate what to do, another chat window flashes with the ping of a new alert. Huh, that is weird. You did not think anyone could see that you were online right now. Double checking, you confirm that you are still set to invisible status. With no small amount of trepidation, you click over to the chat window.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CG: HEY.  
CG: I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE OFF MOPING BECAUSE YOU THINK NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU OR SOME SHIT. WHICH, FAIR, A GOOD NUMBER OF THE CREW PROBABLY HAVE NOT EVEN RECOGNIZED THAT YOU ARE MISSING YET. BUT SOME OF US ACTUALLY DO NOTICE AND ARE A BIT WORRIED THAT YOU HAVEN'T COME BACK ONLINE IN A COUPLE NIGHTS.  
CG: BETWEEN YOU, GAMZEE, AND JOHNNY IT IS LIKE A GOOD CHUNK OF OUR CREW FUCKED OFF INTO THE VOID OR DREAMBUBBLES OR SOMETHING. LET ME TELL YOU, IT IS NOT FUN. I AM QUITE DONE WITH ALL MY FRIENDS BEING DEAD OR GONE.  
CG: GET ONLINE, ASSHOLE.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]   
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CG: OKAY. REALLY?  
CG: HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO STAY OFFLINE?  
CG: THERE IS BEING A WHINY BASTARD AND THEN THERE IS WALLOWING IN YOUR DEPRESSION IN SOME SORT OF MASTURBATORY CYCLE OF "NO ONE LOVVES ME ENOUGH TO CARE" SO "I SHOULD IGNORE THEM ALL TO MAKE THEM MISERABLE" TO "OH NO, I'VVE ONLY SUCCEEDED IN MAKING MYSELF MISERABLE, WEH!"  
CG: EVEN GAMZEE HAS AT LEAST SEEN FIT TO MAKE ONE POST TO LET US KNOW HE WAS STILL ALIVE.  
CG: ALTHOUGH I HAVEN'T PERSONALLY SEEN HIDE NOR HAIR OF EGBERT, HE HAS BEEN ON THE GROUP CHATS AND MEMO BOARDS TO LEAVE MINDLESS BRIGHT-RED DRIBBLE. UNFORTUNATELY. I THINK THAT WE ARE POORER AS AN INCLADE FOR HIS INPUT, BUT HE MAKES MY MATESPRIT HAPPY FOR SOME GOD-FORSAKEN REASON. GO FIGURE.  
CG: YOU, HOWEVER, HAVE SIMPLY TURNED TO RADIO SILENCE AFTER OUR ARRIVAL. NOT A SINGLE TROLL HAS OWNED UP TO SEEING ONE SHRED OF VIOLET TEXT. WHICH IS PUSHING THE BOUNDARIES OF HERMIT SOLITUDE AND ENTERING THE TERRAIN OF POINTLESS SELF-FLAGELLATION.  
CG: DO YOU EVEN REALIZE IT HAS BEEN EIGHT NIGHTS?  
CG: SOMEHOW I DOUBT IT. JUST AS I DOUBT YOU HAVE MADE A RUN TO YOUR LOCAL SUPPLY STATION FOR YOUR HEFTY SEADWELLER ALLOWENCOLLECTION. YOU PROBABLY HAVE NOT TAKEN CARE OF YOURSELF OR ANYTHING AT ALL.  
CG: SO IF YOU THINK I AM GOING TO CONTINUE TO REMAIN AN EASILY IGNORABLE WALL OF TEXT OVER TROLLNET, YOU DO NOT KNOW ME NEARLY AS WELL AS YOU PRETEND.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]   
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CG: ALRIGHT. PREPARE YOURSELF, AMPORA. I AM ABOUT TO RAIN DOWN FURY UPON YOUR SKULL THE LIKES OF WHICH YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN. IN FACT, NO UNIVERSE HAS EVER SEEN ME THIS FURIOUS, BECAUSE YOU IGNORING ME INSTEAD OF BEING A NEEDY ASSHOLE HAS NEVER ONCE HAPPENED EVER.  
CG: HOPE YOUR HIVE IS DECENT ENOUGH FOR COMPANY.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]   
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CG: KNOCK, KNOCK, NOOKWHIFF. 

There is someone pounding at your door. The timing is downright uncanny. Leaving the rest of your conversations unread, you grab your rifle and head up. What? You still have a perfectly functioning survival instinct, not to mention a stranger on your deck. 

Ready to fire, you throw open the door.

Then you gape. The troll on the doorstep is not as short as you remember, but you would recognize those nubby horns anywhere. Also the freckles. The blunt fangs, too. Basically he looks the same as ever, just a bit taller and more filled out than when you last saw him. Still, you are in disbelief. 

"Kar?" 

"Who did you think it was, Troll Will Smith?" snarks Karkat, and it is almost like old times. "I literally messaged you that I was coming. Honestly, I don't care if you saw those or not, I was coming anyway. _Someone_ has to take initiative, and goodness knows that if I left Serket in charge much longer we were going to be dealing with more bodies. Err, bodies again. Whatever, you know what I mean."

"Howw did you evven get here?" you wonder as he pushes his way past you and into your hive. You hastily bat Ahab's Crosshairs into your strife specibus card. 

"Aradia dropped me off," he replies. "She has kindly fucked off for the next hour while I get you up to speed and presentable, because we all know you are a vain little featherbeast who will whine otherwise."

You follow him a little lost and shell-shocked, "Ww-wwait, Kar! I need- I have to tell you something."

He turns around and quirks an eyebrow. A perfect nonverbal 'I'm listening' vibe emanates from him. Although his hardened facial features somewhat makes your stomach twist, you push forward anyway. Better to get it out now than later. 

"I wwant to... apologize," you grimace as the word leaves your mouth, realizing how empty it sounds. At the further lift of his eyebrow, you lick your lips and continue, "I fucked up. I glubbing fucked up so bad. I know sayin' sorry doesn't fix anything, but I wwanted to say it anywway. My ego isn't massivve enough for evven me to think I wwas the cause of evvery single problem, but I certainly wwas contributing to the shitfest that happened."

"I don't believe that for one second," he says. Seeing your stricken expression, he continues, "Your ego is massive. I think there are moons orbiting it. The only troll that I know of with a larger one would be Serket herself. As for your apology, you can shove it right up your wastechute. _I'm_ not the one that you should be saying this to, and you know it."

You deflate, "Y-yeah. I knoww."

For a tense moment, there is silence. Karkat is standing in the middle of your block, thoughtfully regarding you. You are standing slumped, waiting patiently for him to realize that you are not worth the effort. Goodness knows you have made so many horrible mistakes. Really any sane troll would walk right back out your door. Instead, he surprises you by asking a question.

"You know, one thing has been bugging me for almost two sweeps now," he stares at you intently. "Why did you leave me alive?"

"Wwhat?" you blink a few times.

"When you killed Feferi and Kanaya, and blasted Sollux so hard that he went blind," clarifies the nubby-horned troll. "Why didn't you kill me, too? I was literally standing there with my jaw on the floor. Easy pickings. Was I so little a threat that I was not even worth a flick of your wand?"

You muse for a moment, "I... I think maybe because I kneww you wwouldn't hurt me. But also because I wwas in a vvengeful frame of mind. Fef had broken up wwith me because I wwas too much a prongful. Sol played like he wwas interested pitchwwise, but really I wwas just a platonic annoyance. And Kan refused to be my midleaf at least four times. But you'vve nevver done any wwrong to me, Kar. Evven wwhen I wwas a wwhiny little wwiggler aboat- about- all my problems, you nevver turned me dowwn or ignored me.

"I wwas just lonely and scared. I thought no one wwould ever wwant me and wwe wwere all gonna die anywway wwhen the black howwlbeast showwed up. Still. It wwas stupid and no reason to go killin' anyone. I wwas alwways bad about jumping to action first and not dealing wwith the consequences after. That and being self-absorbed."

"No argument there," huffs Karkat. You watch as he mulls over your answer a little. Then he nods firmly, "Right. You ever do anything like that again, I will rip out your entrails instead of papping you."

"E-excuse me?!" you startle.

"I'm saying, you have a long way to go to making things right, and I'm not sure you can do it on your own," he tilts his chin up a little. "You need someone to show you how to do things right way, and keep you from flipping your gourd over something incredibly stupid. I'd also like to think that you won't find a more competent advisor on romantic endeavors, either. At least not in our inclade."

You flat out are gaping. You cannot help it. Just what... "Kar... are you _proposing_ to me right noww?"

"It's not quite as epic as papping you down from a rage-fueled killing spree, but nothing ever turns out like the movies anyway," he shrugs, trying to act aloof. As always, trying to protect himself from getting hurt. 

Your lips twitch, "I dunno, Kar... I think you'll look fuckin' ridiculous in vviolet."

"Who said I was wearing your stupid bloodcolor?" the guy snarls, baring his useless fangs. "I don't need any protection! Besides, that sort of defeats the whole hemoanonymity thing I have going, you know?"

"Kar, out of all a us, you need to be wwearing a highblood's color the most," you emphasize. "Make anyone wwho sees you think twwice about tangling wwith you. Nobody wwants to deal wwith a pissed off coldblood wwho just lost their moirail."

"Yeah, especially not a slimy seadweller," he rolls his eyes, but you can see the barely-there smirk. 

"Oh, I knoww!" you exclaim, only mildly sarcastic. "They are just the _wworst_!"

"They can be. But I'd like to think they can also be good sometimes."

The offhand way he makes that comment gives you pause. It almost sounds like he actually thinks you are not a complete waste of space. That... is a hard pill to swallow right now, because even you think you are useless. In fact, all evidence currently points to you being as necessary as a sixth toe. And about as welcome as one, too.

His expression softens into something less severe, "Oh, you absolute dolt." Then he shakes his head, "Come on. Let's get you ready. We can talk more about this stuff later."

"Ready for wwhat?" you ask.

He stares at you, "For seeing people. You know, that thing you are avoiding but we actually need to do. There's a mandatory meeting tonight."

You splutter, "You don't mean to force me to go? Kar? No, seriously. That's an awwful idea."

"What part of mandatory do you sad fuckers not understand?" froths Karkat. "It's like I'm schoolfeeding wigglers about the meaning of words at every turn. Maybe I should just start using words that are only one syllable long. Do I need to buy you a dictionary, Ampora?"

Frowning, you follow him as he delves deeper into your hive. He pops his head into a few blocks but hardly slows on his march. His annoyed huff at discovering your rather cluttered and dirty mealblock would be amusing if you were not also sort of ashamed. Presuming that he is searching for your respiteblock, you push forward and lead the way.

"First thing you need is to step into your ablution trap," he wrinkles his nose theatrically. "You stink! And you're going to wear something I pick out. Sans cape. No, I don't want to hear it. It is stupid and Kanaya literally ripped it off your body to patch her hole in her abdomen that you gave her. I'd rather not trigger bad memories any more than we will just by existing. Also, the rings and scarf. You shouldn't cling to past relationships like that."

You know he is right, but, "Fuck you, too, Kar."

"Go get clean," he shoos you away. 

You wash up as quick as you can, already feeling a million times better. The clothes your friend picked out are simple. Pinstriped gray trousers and your normal shirt. No cape, rings, or scarf to be seen. Even your shoes are ones that are solid violet instead of having some cerulean on them. Well, you should not complain. Even if you give your tyrian-stone rings a wistful look that he catches.

"You should have taken my advice and worked things out with her _sweeps_ ago," Karkat seems disgruntled. "There was a reason you two were never going to work as moirails, you know. Namely the fact that the two of you NEVER FUCKING TALKED TO EACH OTHER."

"Jeez, Kar, no need to shout," you gripe. "I get it. I bleww evvery chance I evver had. It's not like I didn't try. I hunted for things to feed her lusus and I sabotaged my owwn genocide plans because I kneww it wwould make her sad. I just... wwanted her to be happy... wwith me. As a team."

He pats your bicep once, "Yeah, well, sometimes things don't quite work out the way you intend. I think our crew knows that best."

Contemplating that comment, you head back up to the deck. The nubby-horned troll trails behind you in silence. Aradia is as creepily cheerful as you remember from the dreambubbles. She smiles widely and waves even as she floats closer. 

"Eridan! Nice to see you without your silly cape!" she greets. You roll your eyes as you can practically feel Karkat preening himself. 

"Yeah, yeah," you huff. "Let's just get this ovver with."

"Right! You boys ready?" She immediately scoops you up with her telekinesis without waiting for an answer, "Up and away!" 

With a sickening feeling of weightlessness, the three of you jolt into motion. The wind whipping past your hear ducts makes conversation impossible, so each of you are left with your own thoughts. After a few moments, you recognize the area you are heading towards and feel your acid tract churn. Vriska. While you knew you had to see her eventually, you had never imagined that any sort of congregation would happen at her hive.

However, you three move past her hive and towards a large lake. Weirdly, you do not remember these buildings being here before. Most of your inland campaigns for extreme roleplaying were long before you even entered SGRUB, though. These could be highbloods who built up new hives elsewhere due to a myriad of reasons. Although that does not explain why you are touching down in front of one of them.

"This is Dave's place," Karkat shrugs, his face becoming a little ruddy. "He said he had enough room, and he would be fine with everyone meeting here instead of my tiny hive."

Already skipping forward, Aradia slams open the front door. It was not even locked. What the fuck? You quickly spot a troll you do not recognize who must be the host himself. At least, you think so. Otherwise your group somehow gained another indigoblood douche in shades while you were not looking. You wonder vaguely if Equius is jealous of his perfectly matched horns.

"Time player buddies?" he offers a closed fist to the trespasser.

"Time player buddies!" she practically shouts, enthusiastically smashing her fist into his. He does not even flinch. Aradia shakes off her hand, though, still grinning. Instead, he calmly places both hands into his pockets and looks over to you and Karkat.

"Hey, babe, your friends are like two minutes away from causing a riot," he says. "I normally am able to hold down the fort when it is just Pyrope and Serket, but when you throw in Nepeta and Jade and Feferi, it becomes a Goddamn public nuisance. Someone is gonna call the cops."

To punctuate his declaration, there is a large crashing sound coming from further within the hive. The guy (who you hope is Daevid) simply releases a small sigh, "Help."

"Ugh, women are impossible," grumbles Karkat. Then he enters the hive with a shout, "ANYONE BREAKING ANYTHING IN DAVE'S HIVE WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR REPLACEMENTS. I DON'T CARE WHO STARTED IT, YOU WILL ALL HAVE TO CONTRIBUTE."

Then the shades turn towards you, "You must be Ampora. Come on then, I'll hold your hand for your touching reunion until Karkat is free again."

Aradia laughs, "Don't actually hold his hand, though, Daevid. You might make your matesprit jealous!"

Whoa, what? Even as you follow behind the two of them, your head spins. Was Karkat actually dating Daevid? When had that- well, actually. That could have happened at any point between your death and waking up here on Alternia again. It was something like two sweeps, you think. It would be more weird if things had not changed on the romantic playing field. 

When you enter the massive rumpusblock, you cannot help but feel a little overwhelmed. There are trolls _everywhere_. Vriska and Terezi are menacing Tavros over by the couch. Karkat is currently chewing out a rather anxious looking Equius as Nepeta hangs off of one sweaty arm. Another troll you do not recognize is talking to Sollux and... Feferi?

You almost choke on air. Her hair! She had always been so proud of her long and wild locks, especially how they swayed and bloomed out in the currents. Seeing her head shaved is startling, to say the least. Then again, it is not your business. Not anymore. You swallow and find something else to look at. Anything else. 

A third indigoblood stranger walks up to your little group that just arrived. You squint at her for a moment. The hairband, the dark painted lips, and the vaguely amused expression seem a little familiar. You are pretty sure this one is the Rose human. Even though her typing color had been more lavender, there is no mistaking that she is a land highblood. 

"Your horns don't match," you say, because you are the star at polite conversation.

"Indeed," she smirks. "It is quite interesting that even though we are ectobiological siblings, our features as trolls seem to be rather varied. Then again, John is somehow a burgundyblood while his sister Jade is another indigoblood like us, so perhaps there is very little logic to how The Game saw fit to alter us for our new environment."

You take a moment to compare them. Rose has arrow-tipped horns almost like Equius's own, but they are actually a bit longer and curved backwards slightly. They are quite elegant and impressive. On the other hand, Daevid has horns that are curved more strongly and do not have hooks. Instead they sport broad ridges that make them almost look like cogs on a gear. 

"Darling, you forgot your drink," a second woman glides over, and suddenly you can almost swear that the air goes backwards up your gills. Fuck. You really had not gotten a lot of time to reconcile with Kanaya. At least, not the one that you actually killed, seeing as how she got up right after as a rainbowdrinker and never was in the dreambubbles much. 

"Thank you, dear," Rose takes the proffered glass. "More guests have just arrived."

You feel the cold gaze on you and immediately straighten out your posture. Might as well take your punishment like a troll and not some simpering coward. Already you can tell that Aradia is drifting away from this confrontation to go join Sollux and Feferi. You will face this trial alone.

"Ampora," she says. 

"Kan," you give the smallest of nods.

Daevid somehow steps between the two of you with the same amount of nonchalance that he had when he first greeted you, "Now, now. Ya'll got plenty of time later to hash out whatever bad blood might be between you. Karkat said no fighting tonight."

"I would not really call it a fight," the jadeblood smirks pointedly. 

You gulp and refuse to rise to her bait. Something in your expression must show, though, because there is a very low subvocal growl coming from Daevid. Holy shit. He is taking this possible ash thing way too serious. (Are the humans even in tune with all their new pheromones and nonverbal communication?) After blinking a few times, Kanaya takes a step back.

She huffs, "Oh, come now. I am not going to rip out your throat with my fangs, Eridan. We were friends, once. Besides, I seem to recall that I did manage to kill you back. Although I am still a little upset about the loss of the matriorb, it appears that it was no longer necessary for the continuation of our species."

"Are you sayin' wwe're evven?" you attempt to clarify.

"Yes, that is precisely what I am saying," Kanaya says. Then her gaze cuts to the side to linger on someone else, "Did Karkat give you any indication of what might happen should you attempt to do anything stupid this time?"

You nod, "He said he'd disembowwel me."

"Good man," her smile softens. "Then I do believe there is no cause for me to meddle further. It seems the situation has been satisfactorily resolved."

"Great," Daevid moves back to the side. "Awesome. We can all hold hands now and sing Kumbaya around a bonfire. Shit is getting downright campy around here."

"You seem stressed, Daevid," notes Kanaya.

"He is simply anxious about the arrival of John," Rose informs your group. "No one has heard from him tonight."

Your brow furrows. Why on Alternia would it matter to him whether or not Johnny showed up to this ludicrous meeting? Unless... perhaps the red quadrant was not the only one this human had already filled. Or wants to fill. Suddenly finding himself to be a highblood, complete with anger management issues, might be stressful enough that he is seeking a moirail in the human turned lowblood. It would not surprise you. 

"Like you aren't worried too," accuses the male indigoblood. "If he doesn't show up soon, I think Jade might literally go on an expedition to find his hive. Considering we have no idea where he is, that might be a bit of a problem."

"Wwhy don't you ask Sol to track him dowwn?" you ask. 

All three of them stare at you for a moment. 

You clear your throat and clarify, "He's like a programming genius. Just ask him to pinpoint Johnny's trollnet usage. That's howw he found out Fef wwas really the Heiress and not some poser. Pinged her straight into the deep ocean trenches."

"That... sounds remarkably like the kind of morally dubious thing our technology-minded friend would do," reluctantly admits the jadeblood. 

"I will be sure to bring it up to him if Egbert doesn't show," promises Daevid. 

"In the meantime, perhaps it is best if we enjoy the company of our other companions," Rose suggests. "Speaking of Jade, she was all alone for most of the last three years. We should make sure to spend some time with her."

He winces a little, "Yeah. Then for the final battle Vriska had mindcontrolled her into taking a nap. Cannot believe she still lives on an island, but at least this time it is a lake and not the ocean. And she has a boat so she can easily reach the shore. I mean, the poor girl was raised by a dog, so her people skills are somewhat lacking already."

You squint, "Wwhat does her lusus havve to do wwith it?"

"Humans are traditionally raised by their genetic donors or other adult human guardians," explains Kanaya.

"That's fuckin' wweird," you grimace. "Like... I cannot imagine howw that wwould wwork. My ancestor can stay three thousand years from me wwhere he belongs."

"Oh, right, you had the greaser dude for your young ancestor," Dave intones. "No, I agree. Except three thousand years might not be enough time. That dude had Issues with a capital I. Subscriptions, even, to several different magazines of mental health and personality problems."

"What are we talking about?" Karkat asks from directly next to you.

Sneaky blighter! You had no idea he was even done scolding Equius. Although, now that you think about it, the lack of yelling was rather suspicious. That and the fact you can now see Nepeta approaching Tavros with intent. 

"Please change the topic," Dave tells him. "Any topic."

"We can gossip about relationships," offers Karkat readily. You resist a snort. Barely.

"There do seem to be a lot of interesting personality combinations happening right now," Rose easily turns her attention to the side. "I do not believe that Jade had the opportunity to interact with most of your group, but she appears to be quite easily engaged with Feferi right now."

"Are you remarking on their friendly demeanor or are you insinuating that you ship them?" asks Kanaya. 

"I am not sure yet," she smirks. "Perhaps we need to investigate more closely." 

With that, she starts sashaying towards the little group, drink in hand. With a sigh, the jadeblood murmurs her apologies and follows. After an awkward moment, Dave trails after them like a wayward duckling. This leaves you alone with Karkat. 

"So, how are things going so far?" he asks you.

You grimace, "Wwell, I'm still alivve." 

"Yes, you are," he agrees. "You survived Kanaya, so I am guessing the two of you talked. Did she threaten you?"

"Not really. She seemed to think you had it under control."

"Good. I do."

You stare at him for a moment, "You... really wwant to try this?"

He scoffs, "I don't see why not. Eridan. You listen to all of three people, ever, but you've never followed any of our advice. I am going to try and make sure that if you continue to make mistakes, you fully recognize every single consequence of your actions. You are not a terrible twit all the time, just most of the time. I'd really like to cut that down to maybe half. Setting myself up for realistic expectations and all that."

"Wwoww, Kar, so flattering," you roll your eyes. 

"I'm not trying to woo you here," replies Karkat. "Trust me, you'd know. I've seen enough romance movies to sweep you off your flippered feet if that is what I wanted. But I figured we should maybe try to not be complete tools and have a real conversation instead. I mean... you don't seem entirely opposed to the idea."

"I'm not!" you hastily reassure him. "I guess I just don't really know wwhy you're interested noww of all times. I already wwent and bleww up into a horrible highblood rage. I did not particularly get the impression then that you wwanted to intervvene."

"Yeah, well you were locked in quadrant hell with Peixes, as well as trying to drag everyone into ash with your little spats with Captor," he snarls. "You also mentioned killing all landdwellers often enough that it was practically your catchphrase. And here I am, not only a lowly landdweller, but a mutant to boot. What was I supposed to think? That if I stepped forward you wouldn't immediately blast a hole through my gut same as the others?"

You wince, "Fair point. I'd like to say I wwouldn't havve killed you, but... I dunno. I guess that's the rough bit in wwhat-if scenarios. I could a done a lot of bad things, wwhat wwith the horrorterrors wwhisperin' in my aural canals. Although goin' grimdark nevver seems to result in better longevvity for anyone."

"Yeah, I had wondered about that, considering my conversations with Rosean about what happened in her session when she went through the same thing," muses Karkat aloud. "She said that no one could even understand what she was saying anymore, because instead of normal talking, she was speaking in festertongues or some shit. Either that or she is playing a very elaborate and long-game prank on me, but that seems less like her kind of thing than Johnny's."

"I don't knoww," you shrug. "I wwasn't really all that chatty wwith anyone, seeing as howw I got sliced up by Kan shortly thereafter."

For a moment, he just stares at you. Then, "Right, well. We can make up for lost time now. You, Nepeta, actual fucking conversation. Let's go."

"Wwhat?" you gape.

"You are going to learn that the 'shipper kitty girl' is a real fucking person, whether or not you enjoy it," he firmly grabs your arm and starts hauling you along. "And Equius will be standing right there the entire time, so don't get any of your famous bright ideas. I think he mentioned to me before that your flirting made him anxious. And we've all seen him punch through solid walls."

You gulp. This moirail business is rougher than media lead you to believe.


	4. Malicious

You pace the halls of your sprawling hive and the shadows follow.

No matter where you go, you cannot escape them. Past mistakes and misdeeds and misaligned murderous misunderstandings. It feels like every minute spent on this planet is building up to something, but instead of ever reaching its peak the pressure just mounts and mounts until it is unbearable. You want release so bad, but you are terrified of what it might actually mean. 

At one point you had attempted to reach out to your crew, but you feel like they could never really understand. Sure, maybe some of them were just as traitorous as you were at one point, but these nights they were happy. In fact, the blasphemous rainbow on Trollian had been crowing their victory from rooftops. Which, you suppose, they deserved after all their hard work. It just left you at a bit of a loss to try and figure out where to go from here.

There are no more Mirthful Messiahs. The Great Honk already up and happened, and you all survived in spite of it. Everything is much the same now as it was before The Game. Except now you are awake and aware for the first time and you have no purpose that you can discern. What point is there in being sober if there is not anyone for you to plot against or kill? You are out of the meal vault, but you are as trapped as before.

Maybe they will forgive you. (Maybe they already have.) But you know the others will never look at you the same way. You are a traitor- a wolf amongst the woolbeasts. Even if you attempted to dull yourself with sopor slime again, they would know the monster that lurks behind your lidded eyes and empty smiles. When it comes to actually being that monster, you are not yet sure what your intentions are. 

Give in to your capricious highblood desires? Attempt to reconcile with your crew? Is there even any good you can do for them? Before, perhaps you could have used your nobility status to get them out of trouble or into the right programs or ships. Actual ships like the kind in the sky. Not ships like the ones the little catgirl- SHIT! You are trying really hard not to think of them. 

You rock back and forth a few times, trying desperately to keep yourself under control without resorting to scooping up some slime from your abandoned 'coon. Glancing around, there is actually not much in this block. In fact, it seems completely barren. Squinting, you try to focus your thinkpan on remembering what used to be in this room, back before The Game. You think it used to be a storage block for your horns and other juggalo shit. 

Too much thinking. You begin pacing again, taking to the halls of your hive. Wandering aimlessly, you grit your fangs and gouge the walls with your claws. You need a distraction. Something, anything, to take your mind off of these insurmountable problems. When you get to your recreationblock, you freeze in your tracks. 

Some tiny motherfucker is standing next to your recreational seating unit. The burgundyblood symbol on his long-sleeved shirt is not familiar. Neither are his lowswept wavy horns. A stranger, then. (No matter how familiar his smell might seem.) You snarl, low and long. 

Eventually, though, you do recognize him.

Not by his horns or symbol, but by his face. The pointed hopbeast fangs. The slope of his nose. Still wearing those thick-rimmed glasses. Huh. Weird. You are pretty sure the human who went by ectoBiologist had blue eyes. Here on Alternia, that filthy rust color is already starting to fill in. 

"H-hey," he gives a slightly nervous smile. "Didn't mean to startle you. I'm Johnny!"

You briefly wonder how he is inside your hive. Glancing over to the front door, you note it is slightly ajar. There is no way you forgot to lock it. Especially not with how full of rage you have been lately. It is safer for everyone if you remain indoors. Squinting, you turn back to your mysterious visitor to find him closely studying your face.

Suddenly you remember you macked on him at some point. You are not even sure why, except that you could. He was just so soft and pitiable and willing. So of course you took advantage of the situation- in more ways than one. (Had to get that rainbow hammer somehow. Distracted him long enough to get the captchalogue code.) Fucker like him should really have someone watching out for him. Why don't he have someone looking out for him?

Even right now, standing in your recreationblock, he is giving you those great big moon-eyes. He is so trusting, and you could snap his scrawny neck without even trying. This is testing your newfound resolution to not fuck things up spectacularly. Shit, why is he here alone? Where is his moirail?

"I'm dangerous," you warn him.

"I know," he simply says, still staying despite your best efforts.

"No," you snarl. "No, you really don't. You don't know the first thing about me, motherfucker. We're crew through association, nothing more. We ain't even hatefriends. We're practically strangers."

He reels back a little, as if your words actually reached him. He looks almost... upset. The expression flickers and then is gone, replaced with a carefully blank grin. You feel a yawning chasm inside you, as if you are missing something important. A sick feeling twists in your guts and you realize that you feel guilty. What the Hell is going on?

"Th-that's right!" he says, almost cheerfully. "Well, I just wanted to check in on you. The others mentioned you haven't been online, and they were worried that you were either in trouble or causing it."

"Ain't no trouble I could be in, anymore," you tell him. "Vris up and took care of that ages ago."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"To prevent me from turning all traitor-like, the others had locked me in a meal vault for the last battle," you wearily explain. "That way I could not up and join Lord English on destroying the universe."

His expression looks positively heartbroken, "You were working for- Wait." Suddenly his face hardens, "They did what?!"

You blink a few times, "Which part?"

"THEY LOCKED YOU IN A MEAL VAULT?" When you flinch, he automatically lowers his voice a little, "Oh my God! I'm going to murder them! No, shut up! It's a figure of speech, Gamz. What I actually mean is I am going to fly over to Dave's and Rose's hives and give them a verbal beatdown to leave them properly ashamed. I mean, maybe I can see the trolls allowing this, but the humans? I'm so fucking disappointed right now! And angry!"

"It is not like I was capable of dying," you attempt to calm him down a little. You are too exhausted to deal with this level of rage. (Let alone the implications that he is furious on your behalf.)

"That does not make it better!" shouts the tiny rustblood. "Why the fuck did they even do that? I thought Terezi was just going to slap you on the wrist for playing a prank on her or something."

"Well Vriska up and decided that my ass was dangerous, which it was due to demon puppet possession or some shit convincing me I was the mirthful messiahs, so she locked me up in a meal vault where I couldn't hurt anyone," you say. "Except, you know, there were other things in the meal vault with me. Namely the motherfucking remains of our friends. Two of whom I was responsible for turning into corpses, but only in self-defense when Karkat sent them to kill me for the venom I was spewing at him through Trollian. Probably for the best, considering no one cared enough to deal with my highblood psychosis or even motherfucking knew about the puppet."

He breathes in deeply through his nose before sighing, "Okay. Fuck. It's not my place." 

"Damn straight," you nod. "You humans are so nosy. Meddling in everyone's business where you aren't wanted. Others might find it pitiable, but to me it's just downright annoying. You've been trespassing long enough. Time to leave."

"...right," he agrees easily enough, shoulders slumped. "I'll... just see myself out."

As he leaves with his metaphorical tail tucked between his legs, you resist the urge to chase after him. You are not even sure what you want to catch him for, let alone what you might do if you did. It cannot be anything good. So instead you turn your attention to destroying some furniture to get out some aggression. It is not like you need all this shit anyway, seeing as how you never have company over to your hive.

Eventually you are standing in the middle of a bunch of wreckage. It looks like a platoon of cavalreapers stampeded through here. Unfortunately, the destruction did very little to decrease your frustration. You are still full of antsy energy, seeping from your seams and oozing from your pores. Growling, you debate once again leaving your hive to ruin some troll's night.

The chances, though, of that being a troll you know are slowly rising. If one of the humans came to check up on you, there is no telling how many of your old crew might have the same idea. The last thing you need is for one of them to stumble upon you while you are in a middle of a culling spree. If only there were some way to warn them from afar to keep their distance.

In a singular moment of clarity, you find yourself an idiot.

What the fuck are memos even for if not for this exact reason? As much as you dislike communicating with the entire inclade at once, it will definitely save you some time. You do not even have to respond to anyone who might be online. Just get on, post your bit, and leave. Then if anything happens it will be just as much their fault as yours.

\-- terminallyCapricious has created the memo STAY AWAY FROM THE CULLING FIELDS --   
\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] has invited carcinoGeneticist [CG] , ghostyTrickster [GT] , apocalypseArisen [AA] , adiosToreador [AT] , twinArmageddons [TA] , arsenicCatnip [AC] , grimAuxiliatrix [GA] , gallowsCalibrator [GC] , arachnidsGrip [AG] , centaursTesticle [CT] , gardenGnostic [GG] , tentacleTherapist [TT] , turntechGodhead [TG] , caligulasAquarium [CA] , and cuttlefishCuller [CC] to the memo --

TC: so last i spoke, all of you were up and alive.   
TC: LET'S KEEP IT THAT WAY.  
TC: don't expect no responses or nothing; just want to put that out there.  
TC: STAY AWAY FROM ME AND MINE!  
TC: i got a highblood itch to scratch something fierce.  
TC: YE KEN?  
TC: i'm gonna be patrolling the beaches and   
TC: CULLING ALL WHO CROSS MY PATH.  
TC: just a friendly heads up for the crew.  
AG: Woooooooow!  
AG: The fact that you call us crew still is amazing. I thought you cut your losses nights ago! Especially since you didn't sh8w up to our little meeting.  
CG: SHUT UP, SERKET.  
CG: THANKS FOR THE WARNING, MAKARA. I WILL KEEP THESE ASSHOLES OUT OF YOUR WAY.   
TG: what do you think that talking him out of this would go badly or something  
CG: CONSIDERING I ALREADY HAVE A MOIRAIL TO KEEP TRACK OF AND TALK OUT OF STUPID SHIT? YES, YES IT WOULD.  
TG: oh right   
TG: that dude   
CG: WAY TO BE CONSIDERATE, DICKBAG. THAT DUDE IS MY MOIRAIL. YOU KNOW, MY OTHER BOYFRIEND?   
AA: sadly, daevid, none of us are exactly offering to take up the position   
AA: mostly because we are all moirailed trolls already  
AG: And also 8ecause we are not down with the clown.   
AA: yes also that 

You do not dwell on their displeased rumblings. There is something rumbling much louder that needs to be quelled. You delivered your message, and they confirmed to receive it. Now all your mind can focus on is the hunt. The fight. The snapping of wood and crunching of bones. The heady sensation of feeling others give in to their fears and become quivering beasts trapped by their own terror.

There is no high that can rival that thrill. You spent most of your pupa nights trying to dull and contain it, but when you finally gave in it was as if you finally found your calling. You are a Subjuggulator. You are meant to rule and kill and drive forth the enemies of the Empire and hear the lamentations of those quadranted to them. A monster, in other words. You feel pretty monstrous, all right.

It does not take much for a troll to earn your ire tonight. Any slight, real or perceived, is enough to be a sentence for a free culling. For most strangers, just being in the general vicinity of your lawnring is reason to take them out of society. Trespassers, waders, and scum. For some reason, the lowlife are closer to your hive than you can ever remember them being before The Game, as if your absence had been noted. Did they assume you were dead, or simply that you had gone soft?

Whatever. Their mistake. A lethal one at that. You lose yourself to the chaos of battle. The crack of splintering clubs and the grating clang of metal against metal. The splashing of lukewarm to burning liquids. You do not feel pain- have not for a long time, actually. You are not sure if that is a highblood thing or a minion of the Lord of Time thing. Either way, it is useful.

Especially since you are not sure if you are even capable of dying. At least, not in any of the ways that normal trolls die. Like this midblood here, whose squeal pipette you are currently slicing open. As he spills his olive blood, your thinkpan throbs. No. No, no, no, no! This is not her. This is not a member of your crew, you are fine. There is no tealblood waiting to tie you up or her blueblood moirail to- FUCK!

You take a deep breath, confirming that all you can smell is blood and sweat and fear. There is no comforting smell of inclade pheromones here. Not even faint remnants from when the lowblood visited your hive earlier. Still, you had been in the middle of interrupting a violetblood's fun on your beach. He had rounded up these landdwellers that are currently quivering. Then one of them stares at you, wide eyed, and you note the slate gray without even a hint of color. Pupas?

Something twists in your guts, and all the sudden you find yourself thinking of your crew. What they would think. How would Karkat ever look at you again, knowing that you are so uncontrollable you murdered a bunch of snot-nosed pupas? What would Johnny and his too-big eyes even say to you? The hot feeling of shame floods through you, and your momentary hesitation is all that they need. The kids scamper, scattering in all directions in the vain hope that will keep you from getting all of them. 

You could cull all of them. It would barely even be taxing. Clearly you can see it in your mind's eye- a flashstep here, a throwing club there, and all three would be deader than doorknobs. Still, you do not move. You watch them go and the beast inside you howls in impotent rage. As you bring your hands towards your face, you note they are covered in a drying rainbow. You feel sick. 

Stumbling towards your hive, you scoop up your weapons and toss them into your sylladex. You do not know what you are doing anymore. To be honest, you are not sure you ever really knew what you were doing. Always there was someone else pulling the strings, pushing you towards their own goals and making you believe it was really what you wanted all along. A motherfuckingfucking puppet is all you are, and all you will ever be.

You slam your head into a counter, trying to get the weirdness out of your system. Sopor slime! You need sopor slime and you need it two hours ago! Anything to stop this awful slimy feeling, like you just made out with some sharkpailer. With a shudder, you quickly decide that a trip to the load gaper is priority number one. By flashstepping, you make it just in time to lose what little you had eaten the past two nights. 

You retch. Tears stream down your unpainted face. This is awful. The whole point of this bloodletting was to get you to feel better, not worse. Something is wrong. Something is missing and you do not know what it is. It is like some part of you is broken that was not before, or maybe it was always broken but you had always managed to ignore it. Instead of pleasure or contentment, you instead feel the same numb emptiness as always.

What is the point even? 

If everything is like this, even when you act on every whimsical desire in your fucked up mind, what is the point even? You might as well not do anything at all for all the good it does you. Just lie down and wait for a culling. Just kill enough trolls that you have to be taken out and your death is Just for once. You rest your forehead against the cool surface of the tile floor and try to get your horns screwed on straight.

Do any of the others have this problem? You would guess not. They all have others that care about them, hobbies to entertain them, and plans to keep them busy. What do you have? A fat load of nothing. Your future went up in dust the instant that The Game was won and everyone ended up back on this horrible planet. You lost all your friends ages before that when you went cold-gobblebeast sober and decided to be a murderous fuckwit. 

You never apologized. As far as you know, they never forgave you. Despite how you try to avoid thinking about it- about them- there is no denying that you have irreparably fucked up everything. At some point you will have to face them again. There is no excuse you can give that is worthy of the air it would take to say. You do not even know if you want to say anything. It is not like you are the only traitor amongst the group.

In fact, you were not even worth a cull if Kanaya's reaction had been accurate. She had killed Eridan, but left you alive. Albeit in significant pain. Even through the safety of time, you cringe a bit for your bone bulge. It was not punishment enough. Neither was Serket's mindgames, if you want to be honest with yourself (and you really do not). After all, what difference was there in that and what your puppet bro was doing? Both simply carved your malleable thinkpan until you did what they wanted. 

Did you ever have a real choice? Was your entire life really just one big joke that the universe could not even get the punchline right? You do not know anymore. Your thinkpan aches with just trying to recall what used to make you happy, so you stop. It is not worth the aggravation to wonder at every 'what if' in all the timelines. 

You get up, rinse out your mouth in the sink, and wander towards your respiteblock. The inside of your mouth feels funny and there is a constant pain deep in your thoracic cavity. Everything is wrong. Of ninety-nine problems, you have caused all of them. The biggest one, though, is that you have no idea how to even begin to fix any of them.

Ideally you would not have to deal with this problem on your own, actually. There is a whole societal system based on this fact. Getting a moirail, though, is not a task that can be taken lightly. Even attempting to think about someone in that way has your mind running in circles.

You briefly consider Tavbro, but you do not want him in that corner. In fact, the quadrant you wanted- want?- him in is a bit more ruddy than pink. Besides, just trying to imagine him dealing with one of your highblood psychosis episodes is... difficult. He would probably just let you stomp all over him, the pitiful bastard. And everyone else. No, he would make a poor choice of a moirail, even assuming he was vaguely interested in the position.

There is another option. You are not quite sure how to approach it, though, since he seems to have already found himself a shiny new diamond done up in cold colors. If you present it as a question of romance and not necessity, perhaps he will be more inclined to help play matchmaker. Between him and the other shipper of your crew, it is really no contest who you are going to willingly contact. 

terminallyCapricious [TC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TC: HEY, KARBRO.  
TC: i was up and wondering if i could have a moment of your time.  
CG: NOT WHILE YOU ARE TYPING LIKE THAT, YOU CANNOT.  
TC: WHAT?  
CG: LAST TIME YOU DID THE WHISPER-THEN-SCREAM THING, YOU WERE ON A MUDEROUS RAMPAGE AND ENDED UP KILLING EQUIUS AND NEPETA WHILE I SHAT MYSELF IN TERROR AND ATTEMPTED TO DRAG SOLLUX'S HALF-DEAD BODY TO RELATIVE SAFETY. I GAVE YOU A PASS WHEN YOU WERE ON A CULLING SPREE, BUT CONSIDERING IT HAS BEEN A COUPLE HOURS YOU SHOULD BE DONE WITH THAT. SO HOW ABOUT YOU TRY THIS AGAIN, MOTHERFUCKER?  
TC: ThIs TaKeS sO lOnG, tHoUgH.  
CG: TOO BAD.  
CG: MAYBE TAKING SO LONG WILL MAKE YOU CAREFULLY CONSIDER WHICH WORDS YOU SEND FLOATING MY WAY LIKE TURDS FLOWING DOWN A SEWERPIPE SYSTEM. OH LOOK, THERE GOES ANOTHER ONE. I WILL JUST SCRUNCH UP MY OLFACTORY NUB AND TRY TO IGNORE THE STENCH AS IT GOES BY.  
TC: oKaY, i GoT mY uNdErStaNdInG oN, bRoThEr.   
TC: It MiGhT aCtUaLlY rElAtE tO wHaT i WaNt To GeT mY gAb On AbOuT.   
CG: OH, THIS OUGHT TO BE GOOD.  
TC: tO bE qUiCkIsH-  
TC: dO yOu ThInK yOu CoUlD hElP mE fInD a PaLe CoRnEr?  
CG: OH.  
TC: UgH, sEe? YoU nEeD mOrE wOrDs.  
TC: I aM a DaNgEr, EvEn NoW. aNd I wAnt To Be BeTtEr, BrOtHeR, bUt I hAvE nO pRoSpEcTs. FoR oBvIoUs ReAsOnS.  
TC: sO i CoMe To YoU fOr AdViCe.  
CG: NO, YOU COME TO ME HOPING FOR A QUICK HOOKUP.  
CG: I AM NOT GOING TO RECOMMEND ONE OF OUR *FRIENDS* TO YOU FOR A HASTY PAP AND SHOOSH SESSION TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER TEMPORARILY, IGNORING THE ACTUAL ISSUES AT HAND. I AM NOT SOME SORT OF DIAMOND PIMP.  
CG: DID YOU EVEN CONSIDER THAT PART OF THE REASON OUR CREW HAS SO FEW LONGTERM MOIRALLEGIANCES IS BECAUSE YOU SAD FUCKS ARE ALWAYS OUT OF SYNC WITH ONE ANOTHER ON WHAT YOUR EXPECTATIONS ARE FOR THE RELATIONSHIP? LOOK AT AMPORA AND FEFERI. KANAYA AND VRISKA. OR THE CLUSTERFUCK THAT IS SOLLUX AND HIS PLETHORA OF BITCHES. WHO IS HE PALE FOR TONIGHT? NOT EVEN HE KNOWS!  
CG: ALWAYS THERE ARE RED FEELINGS MIXED IN, BECAUSE NO ONE CAN APPARENTLY BE HONEST ABOUT WHAT THEY WANT AND NEED. HELL, I HAVE EVEN EXPECTED TO FIND PALE-TO-BLACK VACILLATIONS IN THERE SOMEWHERE.  
CG: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU COME TO ME WITH NARY A TROLL THAT YOU CAN EVEN *BEGIN* TO CONSIDER TO FEEL THAT WAY TOWARDS AND EXPECT ME TO, WHAT? WAVE A MAGICAL FUCKING WAND AND MAKE IT SO? MAGIC ISN'T REAL, NUMBNUTS. AND FOR ALL THAT YOU HAVE TO SHOW FOR IT, NEITHER ARE YOUR SO-CALLED GOOD INTENTIONS.  
CG: COME BACK TO ME WHEN YOU HAVE A REAL RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM AND NOT A PERSONALITY PROBLEM, YOU DISGUSTING DIMWIT.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] has ceased trolling terminallyCapricious [TC] 

Well, that could have gone better. At least he did not block- oh no, wait. There he goes. Hmm. You wonder how he expects you to get ahold of him when you do actually need romantic advice. Maybe the point is that he does not expect you to actually need him because you will not find anyone willing to be in a relationship with you. Which is... fair, honestly. You kind of do not deserve it.

Actually, thinking about the number of the crew already in relationships, there might not be much choice for you anyway. You could try to find someone outside of the inclade, but that is likely to end messily. No one outside your group would understand your ravings about demons and other universes, let alone The Game. That limits you greatly. 

Aradia and Sollux are already clear out, as is Feferi. All three are in some sort of big pink-red mashup that no one else even pretends to understand. Tavrbro is also a big no, because you would hope you are at least better than Eridan when it comes to admitting that you are interested in someone red. The greenbloods you cringe even thinking about, and then the bluebloods are in relationships already. Huh. That really only leaves... the humans, you suppose. 

Squinting, you consider what you even know about them. There are four. Three, if you want to be technical, because there is no way in Alternia that you are going pale for Daevid and his blasphemy. Besides, he was likely just as touched by the puppet juju as you were, so he is going to need his own conciliator. You definitely are not up for that. The purple-text human is not one you talked to much, nor the barkbeast-themed one. In fact, the only human you had much contact with besides the slam poetry asshole was Johnny, and you mostly just gave him daymares with your chucklevoodoos and then kissed him. 

You are such a bulge. A gigantic sack of writhing bulges. There goes any chance you ever had at having the moirail with the best ass this side of the multiverse. Ugh, what a weird thought to have. Regardless, the only two choices here are the humans that you did not have much contact with in the first place. On one hand, you might have a better chance at convincing them to pacify you. On the other, they have no reason to trust you. After all, you are crew only through association. 

This is dumb. You feel like this is something Eridan would do, calculating his odds with every single person before trying to trap someone into a quadrant. Sheesh, no wonder Karkat threw such a fit. Having one slimebag in the crew is one too many already. Time to put the breaks on this one wheeled device before it goes careening out of control. 

If you cannot learn to stand on your own two feet, then you are of no use for this crew, let alone the Alternian Empire. Codependency is a good way to get two trolls killed. It is a harsh truth, but one that you accept nonetheless. It is time to stop focusing on how someone else can fix everything for you and how to get shit done yourself. 

First thing, you have to shape up and talk to _them_. Even if it is through Trollian, they deserve an apology. No excuses or explanations. Just an admission that you have wronged them and you realize it. Whatever punishment they see as fitting is okay with you. You probably deserve far worse than they will be able to dish out anyway. 

Secondly, you have to find some better way of getting rid of these periods of emotional turmoil. Or at least figure out a better way to relieve the stress that does not involve you having a mental breakdown or killing anyone. Maybe if you took better care of yourself this would not be such a problem. Eating is good. Sleep probably would help, too. 

You do refuse to return to slime sopor. Even if you do crave it at times, it never is really going to fix anything. You would rather be dead than doped up all the time. At least that way you for sure are not a threat to anyone. One thing at a time. Even small progress is still progress. 

The first thing you end up doing is going and making some food, since you honestly cannot remember the last thing you ate or when it might have passed through your gullet. Plus, your bilesack is empty after recent events. Your meal block is a disaster, so after you eat you take the time to clean some dishes and throw out some gross old stuff growing mold. 

From there it is an easy transition to sweeping away the mess you made of the recreation block and tossing all the broken furniture out into the dross coffer. Then you order some replacement furniture to be delivered. At this point it is already early morning, so you head towards your recuperacoon for the day to try and get enough sleep. 

For the first time in a long time, you wake up not completely hating everything. You are not happy- not by a long shot. Still, it is marginally more comfortable to exist. You fix up some more food and make yourself drink an entire glass of clean water. (No Faygo. Not right now.) You take an ablution and change into fresh clothes. Then you realize how few of those you actually have, so you throw some laundry into the washer too. 

About mid-evening, you realize you are just stalling. You never have been a coward, so you immediately sit yourself down at your old computer and boot it up. The conversation you had with Karkat is still on the display screen. Oof. Yeah, you are not going to defend that. Still, you can fix this all on your own. It starts with a simple click and some honesty. Nothing you cannot handle. 

\-- terminallyCapricious has created the memo I kNoW tHeRe AiN't EnOuGh WoRdS tO gEt My GrOvEl On, BuT a BrOtHeR cAn TrY --  
\-- terminallyCapricious [TC] has invited arsenicCatnip [AC] and centaursTesticle [CT] to the memo --

TC: sO  
TC: hEy


	5. Love

If ever there was a prize for being simultaneously immensely intelligent and incredibly ignorant, you might have won it tonight.

You have just discovered that your girlfriend is not ready to live with you, even though she moved in last week. Admittedly, it had taken much cajoling and passive aggressive statements on your part, but you had honestly thought that sharing your enormous new home with your matesprit was a wonderful idea. Especially considering her empty desert location, your primary concern had been that she would be easily overwhelmed should any enemies seek to invade her hive. (You also might have been slightly biased in the fact that you had previously been living so close together that her constant presence nearby became essential to your peace of mind.)

However, you are now realizing that sharing a hive is a very hard thing on a troll. Naturally aggressive and domineering, many trolls are unable to function in close quarters with others of their own kind. This is doubly true for any trolls who do not have the pacifying presence of a moirail nearby. While the two of you were very close on the meteor, you had each maintained your own separate quarters. Plus, with other trolls and humans around, there was always space to retreat to and others to act as buffers when the occasion called for it. 

Now there is empty silence whenever one of you needs a break. Which is precisely what Kanaya had been doing when you had hunted her down and accosted her with little to no regard towards her own feelings. When the word 'mistake' left her lips, your visceral reaction had been stomach-churning and to point blame elsewhere. However, you hope that you can rein in your snark for at least a few minutes to have a real discussion.

"Do you want to-" you pause. Rethink the accusatory undertone to that question. Rephrase. "Do you feel as if living together might have been a hasty decision?" 

"I admit that now that I am here, it does appear that we might have been in a hurry for no reason I can discern," she says. "Do not misunderstand- you are wonderful and I cherish the time I get to spend with you. I am just a bit exhausted from doing nothing but spending time with you for the past few nights."

"Perhaps we are stressed because we are placing even more strain on our relationship than before," you point out. "On the meteor, we had the opportunity to socialize with more people than just each other, if we so chose, as well as private places to retire to that we could each call our own."

She is already nodding, "Indeed. The culture in Alternia is one of rugged independence not necessarily due entirely to our societal expectations, but also due to our own evolutionary needs. Even a troll smitten with pity might lash out if forced into close quarters continuously."

"Even moirails?" you ask, genuinely curious.

"Moirails are not excluded from recognizing that their partners may have emotional needs that they cannot meet," Kanaya informs you. "I would say that of the four relationships, moirallegiances are definitely the most likely to arrange long-term cohabitation whereas kismessitudes would exhibit the lowest rates. It is not impossible to live together; it is simply important to consider our options for other outlets."

"I would be happy to donate half of the hive for your use," you readily offer. "There are many blocks that I have yet to even enter, let alone explore fully. I believe a more feasible solution, however, would be to have designated private spaces for each of us separate from communal spaces. Also we can separately visit our friends to create time not only apart, but engaging with others of our inclade. I do believe that I owe Jade some one-on-one time, and you have projects of your own."

"I have been meaning to visit Karkat," she agrees. "His new quadrant requires some fashion changes on his part, as well as the likely need to vent to someone."

"If you do not mind the company, I could come and distract my dearest brother so that you can actually have a conversation alone."

She smiles at you, "That would be very helpful, thank you. It is hard enough to coerce Karkat into accepting other colors into his wardrobe without a running commentary on obscure facts from a dead universe."

With a plan in place, a quick message to Dave is all that is required to confirm that the other couple is free for the evening. They are, of course. The two of them are apparently having a night in together at Dave's hive, which is terribly convenient. After all, Karkat himself lives in suburbs a significant distance from your little cluster of castles. It would have taken most of the night just to travel there.

Your brother's home, however, is viewable right from your front porch. It is comforting to know that he is still close by, even though you have not visited him until now. Jade as well, especially after her long isolation. In fact, the only way it could be better is knowing where John is, but that particular member of your inclade has always been partially removed at best. His need for solitude will hopefully lessen in due time.

Shaking off thoughts of troubled young men, you and your girlfriend quickly ready yourselves and make your way around the edge of the lake towards the literal castle. If only your young self had any idea that you would literally one day live as a Disney princess. You might have tried a bit harder to unironically enjoy the silly fanciful songs instead of the dark plots and sinister undertones. 

"Dave?" you call out as you open the front door. You really do need to remind him to lock it. Even if he is now a troll, there are still many threats that could at least be delayed by having to break down the thing instead of just waltzing in. 

"Yo!" he shouts from further within the hive. After a few moments, he appears.

It is not as startling to see him like this anymore. You may never quite be used to his hair now being raven black, but overall the effect is very subtle. It helps that his eyes are hidden behind his signature shades. Otherwise the stark gray would likely unnerve you, knowing that previously they had been such a beautiful and unique crimson.

"Good evening, Daevid," Kanaya nods cordially. "I understand that Karkat is present?"

"In here!" bellows the nubby horned troll. 

"If you will excuse me," she sweeps elegantly from the room. 

"Well, they waste no time," comments your ectosibling. 

"Indeed," you say. 

From the other room, you can hear bits and pieces of their conversation. It helps that your brother's matesprit is particularly loud. Or does not help, depending on the situation. The things you have overheard on the meteor are enough to drive a lesser woman to madness. As it is, you have enough material to blackmail Dave into the next century, at least. 

Even now, you can hear, "Kanaya, I love you dearly as a friend, but I am not wearing _anything_ with any hemocaste colors on it. Ever. End of discussion."

As they continue to argue, you turn your attention to your brother, "So, Daevid, how are things with Karkat? Do tell."

Behind his shades, he blinks a few times, "They're great, like usual. Why are you even asking?"

"No latent jealousy or misunderstandings now that he has acquired another boyfriend?" you probe.

"Oh, that," he suddenly smirks. "Look, Lalonde, not all of us are so insecure that we need constant validation from our significant others. Even if he has a shiny new boyfriend, I'm not threatened in the least. I mean, just look at the guy! He is so painfully hipster that it hurts. Besides, they are still working out the whole platonic 'I will not let you kill anyone' phase of their relationship."

"That does sound remarkably like you have finally grasped the differences between quadrants," you admit. "I am so proud of your cultural understanding."

"I mean, is it even a multicultural thing at this point if we are now also trolls?" points out Dave. "Now it is kind of our culture, too. And honestly the whole multiple relationships thing is kind of cool when it means that you are not entirely responsible for the emotional wellbeing and support of your partner."

Suddenly you have an insight to what is really going on, "Who is it?"

"What?" he asks, going very still.

"Who is it that you are pursuing in a quadrant, and which quadrant are you interested in?" you clarify your question. 

"I can have an emotional breakthrough epiphany without personally benefiting from it," he stalls, voice raising. "Just because I am okay with my boyfriend having another boyfriend doesn't mean that I want more boyfriends. It's like you people don't even trust me to-"

"IT'S JOHNNY," yells Karkat from the other room. 

"Oh?" you can feel the corner of your lip curving upwards.

"PALE," adds his boyfriend. "OF FUCKING COURSE."

"Goddamit Karkat! Mind your own conversations!" Dave shouts in the general direction of his matesprit. Then he turns back towards you, "Look, it is not a big deal. I'm just worried about him. I mean, the guy has completely gone off the reservation and no one has heard from him in four nights now, but it's not like I'm the only one freaking out about it. I mean, if you weren't busy being the most sickeningly loving couple ever, you would be, too."

Your expression turns more stern, "I never said I was not worried, Daevid. We all are concerned. However, sometimes intervening is more harmful than letting things work themselves out. If he wanted our input, he would contact us."

"You're upset he hasn't talked to you about it," he notes. "Fair. I'm not happy either. I mean, you'd think after three years the asshole would at least want to hang out with us a little. Unless we embarrassed him too much during the meetup before the last battle."

"I doubt that John would find anything you do embarrassing," you assure him. "He unabashedly adores you, along with the rest of us. Perhaps more so. After all, you are his 'best bro,' are you not?"

"Well, yeah, but that was when we were internet friends at the age of thirteen," shrugs the teenager who has already come so far. "Who knows now that he is some sort of freaky psychic alien recluse. Maybe he has new friends."

You stare at him, "Dave. Are you fucking kidding me? Even if he did somehow magically manage to make new friends on this hellmurder planet, John would not abandon us. He is a lot of things, but none of them is a total asshole who does not care about people."

"I never said that!" defends Dave. "I don't think he is ignoring us entirely on purpose."

"You just think that his little pea-sized brain has been distracted somehow?" you sarcastically provide. 

"No!" he almost yells. "I'm worried that he is hurt or lost or worse! And I know it's not rational, okay? I know! He survived SBURB and more, he can definitely take care of himself. He's not stupid enough to get himself killed literally two weeks in to our adventure. But that doesn't change the fact I'm still worried!"

"You said it yourself that this is an irrational fear," you point out. "He will be fine. This is John, after all. There is very little that can actually slow him down, let alone stop him. For now, let us give him his space."

"Easy for you to say," he grumbles. "He still talked to you after we arrived. If this is some sort of homophobic bullshit, I am going to be so pissed about the double standard."

"I doubt that is the case, considering his response to you dating Karkat was disinterest," you muse aloud. "In fact, his only noteworthy response to the relationships of the group was his disbelief that Terezi and Vriska were moirails, which might be understandable when one remembers that during The Game the two of them were actively attempting to best one another through the two of you. Either way, I do not believe his radio silence is because you are gay."

"Yeah..." he reluctantly agrees. 

"Now, we are going to have a polite conversation about your intentions towards John," you say. 

He blinks at you, "What."

"Now, now," you chide. "I will have you know that John is a very, very dear friend of mine. In fact, he himself has referred to me as his 'best friend' on public forum for all to see. I believe then that it falls upon me to make sure that your pale intentions are true, and you are not simply looking to quadrant with our lovable but gullible leader for his plush rump."

"Oh God, Rose! Do you have to use those words?" he cringes.

"What? Plush rump?" you feign ignorance. "Would you prefer a different phrase? How about prodigious posterior? Awesome ass? Generous junk in his trunk? Bounce-a-quarter-off-it behind?"

"How are these getting categorically worse?" whines Dave. "If I tell you I'm not sure, will you leave me alone? Because that is the truth. All I know is that all these _feelings_ I have for him have only increased since becoming a troll. Well, increased and maybe changed? I don't know. Everything is like slightly off now but it seems more right. Do you know what I mean?"

"Perhaps not yet, but I would be lying if I said that I was not intrigued by the idea of more relationships now, whereas before I barely considered them," you admit. "I think as a human, I would have made an awful partner in any quadrant except flushed. I suppose we are both rather lucky in our romantic endeavors in that regard. However, now I can not only intellectually understand where the trolls are coming from when they talk about these feelings, but I can also rather empathize as well."

"Exactly," he nods. "Like, I loved the little doofus before and there was always this... protective quality in our friendship. I just don't really know how moirallegiance is supposed to go, I guess. In the movies there is always some huge threat one of the trolls is making that the other one has to talk or pap them out of, but that is highly fetishized and unrealistic. Then again, the only real-life example I've had is Serket and Pyrope."

"I can see your dilemma." You muse for a moment, "Have you considered that John might be avoiding you, and by extension your matesprit, because he senses on some level that you are interested in pursuing a relationship with him?"

"Wow, way to make me feel better, Sis," snarks Dave. "So scared of the icky gays that he has walled himself off from the entire group. What a morale booster."

"No, not like that," you roll your eyes. "I mean that John was very adamant about putting off relationships during The Game because he believed his attention was needed elsewhere, but... What if really he finds himself surrounded by people in happy and stable quadrant shenanigans slightly uncomfortable because he has never had a relationship and feels like he is being left behind? From his point of view from another timeline, none of this probably makes sense. Obviously Vriska and Terezi were not moirails, as he mentioned her being dead at some point, but even relationships such as yours and mine might have been... different. Or absent altogether."

"What are you getting at, Rose?" he twirls his hand as if to speed up your thought process.

"All I am saying is that he might not be ready for a relationship with anyone, let alone you," you conclude. "It has nothing to do with gender or homophobia."

He sighs, "Yeah, I guess being pushy about talking to him is not helping things. I'll try to back off for a couple nights."

"KANAYA, I'M NOT WEARING THAT!" screeches Karkat from the other room. "LOOK AT IT- IT'S BRIGHT FUCKING CRIMSON! WHAT BETTER WAY TO UNLEASH DRONES UPON MY HAPLESS HEAD? YOU MIGHT AS WELL PAINT A LITERAL TARGET ON MY SKULL."

"It sounds like our significant others are in need of a rescue," you smile fondly. 

"Gaaaaay!" Dave says. 

"Indeed," you agree easily. 

With your affection towards your matesprit in mind, you lead the way. There is an explosion of clothes and fabrics covering most of the horizontal surfaces of the room when you enter. It appears as if your matesprit is holding up some sort of long-sleeved shirt of bright red fabric as if to compare it to Karkat's skin tone. The nubby-horned troll is halfway to his patented out-of-breath phase of his rant, so you decide to interrupt. 

"Darling, are you tormenting this poor boy?" you sweep towards Kanaya.

She frowns, bottom lip just barely jutting out into a pout, "I am doing nothing of the sort. I simply wish to introduce some variety into Karkat's wardrobe. I thought he would be pleased with my choices, considering his ancestor had a crimson turtleneck."

"A- you know that I hate that prick even more so than I platonically hate most trolls, so it makes no sense that I would want to be anything like him," the troll himself growls. "B- you also know that I have a thing about my blood color. Particularly that it is a horrendous mutation that will get me culled in a decidedly messy and unpleasant fashion. And finally C- if I went out in public wearing that there would be no doubt that it would attract the kind of attention that I would much rather avoid."

"You can let her down gently, babe," Dave's eyebrows are high over his sunglasses. "Like, just tell her it looks pretty and then put it in the back of your closet never to be worn. That's what I do with all of Rose's weird knitted stuff."

"That is rude and I love Kanaya too much as a friend to do that to her," counters Karkat. "Also, you wore that yarn abomination of a sweater just two nights ago when you were complaining how cold it was in your own hive."

You grin, ever pleased, "Why Daevid. I had no idea how much you enjoyed my gifts. I admit my skills have much improved since then. Perhaps I should dedicate some of my time into making you a new sweater. It will be far superior to your current one."

"Please don't," his mouth says, but you know that the eyes behind those shades are just begging for you to shower him with physical proof of your sisterly adoration.

"Well, take it and maybe you will change your mind later," huffs Kanaya, apparently deciding to table this argument for later. "I dread to think what you might say of the violet accessories that I brought with me."

"What?" screeches Karkat. "WHAT? Kanaya, no! Not you, too! I don't need protection!"

"Protection?" you tilt your head slightly. "Is that how wearing other hemocaste colors works?"

"It is fairly common for the lower-blooded moirail to wear the blood color of their partner as a form of preemptive dissuasion for others picking fights," Kanaya informs you. "This began ages ago, when wearing the actual sign of your diamond was a common way for a claim to be announced at a glance. Anyone wanting to threaten, harm, or kill the lowblood would have to carefully consider whether or not they were equipped to deal with their highblood moirail."

"Is this why Nepeta wears a blue hat?" you ask. 

"Yes, although this is likely for Equius's benefit rather than her own," she answers.

"Nepeta could- can- plow through most SGRUB enemies with one arm tied behind her back, let alone other trolls," huffs Karkat. 

"Huh," Dave muses aloud. "Are they the only pair that does this in the group? Because I honestly don't remember anyone else wearing other colors. Besides, I guess, crimson shoes and stuff. That seems to have a different connotation, though."

"The crimson coloration is mostly used by the Alternian Empire for their flagships and sometimes even their drones," explains your girlfriend. "In the case of trolls, it is often use to proclaim something as dangerous or, as I believe it is called, badass." 

"Yeah, it totally isn't horrifying to see your blood color splattered all over everything that is vicious in the entire universe, let alone the monsters that will kill you at a moment's notice for that very blood color," mumbles the nubby-horned troll. 

"So you want to doll my boyfriend up in violet because of his shiny new diamond," concludes Dave. "I get that, but why is it just moirails? Couldn't other relationships be declared by wearing blood colors?"

"They can, in fact, but it is very rare and tends to be done by those who are… clingy," winces Karkat. 

"Eridan was a prime example. He wore Vriska's blue on his pants and scarf when they were together," Kanaya points out. "Of the other relationships, kismesissitudes are the most likely to wear the colors of their rival. Painting yourself in their own blood, as it were. An archaic custom to attempt to get a rise out of your rival. Auspicsticisms and matespritships are the least likely to feel the need to wear the hemocaste colors of their partners- due to very different reasons, of course."

"See, I don't get that," Dave frowns. "In human culture, we had ways to tell if someone was taken in our one romance system. Different ways, in fact, for different cultures. Earth was a hot mess. Anyway, the one that was most common from where we were from was a ring worn on a specific finger to indicate that the person was in a committed relationship. Why can there not be something similar for all the romance options for trolls?"

Karkat shrugs, "I know your culture well enough from the movies we shared, but there is very little drive in our society to do the same. Your matesprit and your kismesis may be lightyears away when you are part of the Armada, but your moirail is the only one who will track your killer down to the ends of the universe if properly incited."

Seeing your brother's face, he hastily continues, "I mean, that is how it usually works! Not that that is how it would work if by some fuckup of the universe you die before me. I would definitely hunt down anyone who ever hurt you, let alone culled you. Not just me, either. Probably half our crew would get involved due to simply being too attached to you to constitute a healthy level, and the other half because they would want to be involved with the drama."

"That sounds about right," your lip twitches as you attempt to hold back a smirk. 

"Troll culture is bullshit," huffs Dave. 

"No arguments there," agrees Karkat.

"I believe the human system also had problems of its own," states Kanaya. "Perhaps the ideal is somewhere between the two?"

"I know I would love to marry you someday," you mention offhand.

Conversation completely stops. 

Oh. Well, that is a thing you just said aloud. You cannot even take refuge in the excuse of ignorance, as the two trolls had seen quite enough human-based media to know exactly what a marriage entails. It takes a moment for you to realize that you are not embarrassed. You love your matesprit deeply, and you are entirely serious about this offer. However, you do wish that you had discussed this with her prior in private instead of in the middle of your brother's house.

"Oh," is all your girlfriend says, one hand raised slightly towards her mouth as if to capture the sound.

Karkat takes a deep breath, eyes over-bright, "Holy shit. That is… totally a thing we could do. I mean, why not? Even if Earth is gone and you guys are not humans anymore, your culture is still a part of you. Plus it is romantic as fuck. It is sad that big romantic gestures are not very big in our culture anymore, besides maybe the odd case of public shooshing to avoid your moirail from laying waste to an entire city. Matesprits should totally have weddings."

"And here I thought I could avoid the dreaded ball and chain forever due to literally being in another universe," Dave pretends to be bitter. "Thanks, sis. Really looking out for me here."

"Rose, was this-?" begins Kanaya.

"No!" you hastily say. Then you compose yourself, "No, this is not a proposal. Believe me, Kanaya, when I say that I am not that entirely inept at the concept of romance. It is something I would like to discuss further with you. In private."

A slow smile begins to spread across her face, "Alright. I find this an acceptable alternative."

"Who's wearing the dress?" asks Dave, because _of course_ he does. "Or, wait. Do both of you wear dresses? Do they have to match, then? Because if so, one of you will have to concede that the other one actually does wear the white better. Which is weird to think about anyway, regardless of the fact it will clash horribly with your skin tone now."

"Daevid, you are being an embarrassment to LGBTQIA+ people everywhere," you inform him. "Please stop."

He huffs, "It was an honest question. Forgive me for wanting to be involved in your life decisions."

"When we decide if and when we are getting married, I will include you in the wedding plans," you soothe. "Although I retain full veto power over any and all decisions made. I will not stand for smuppets being used in the place of flower petals."

Your brother grimaces, "Yeah, I'm not going to even suggest something like that. I'm not Bro. Or Dirk."

"And even if he did, I wouldn't let him ruin what is supposed to be a big moment for you and Kanaya," adds on Karkat.

You smile, "I appreciate that, Karkat." 

After a couple hours of chatting and making plans, eventually your girlfriend excuses the two of you so you can return home. Although briefly confused since the whole point of this endeavor is to have time away from your hive, you do not complain. She leads the way, eventually entering a respite block that has remained empty for weeks. When she asks you to stay, you do.

You know that you would do anything for her. It does not matter how ridiculous or seemingly impossible. She deserves nothing but the best, and you are more than willing to supply it. That is just love, you guess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how does one rose?? the world may never know
> 
> also there are gonna be so many ship. so. many. you have been warned


	6. Systemic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **TRIGGER WARNING** for mentions of suicide attempts / suicidal ideology
> 
> no attempts actually happen in this chapter but they are mentioned by two characters discussing a third. just wanted to throw that warning out there

After your talk with Lalonde, you manage to wait another six whole nights with nary a peep from Egbert. 

Then you message Captor. Just as the finned troll had said, the scrawny nerd was more than adequate for the job. The longest part was convincing him that this whole endeavor was actually worth his time. It took you going to Aradia and then letting her strong-arm him into helping you. From there you got an address in three minutes. 

Your long-suffering boyfriend convinces you to wait until evening, as the Alternian sun will surely fry you to a crisp on your way if you leave now. What he really says is that he is not going to dig your charred remains out of the fangs of any wild beasts, but you totally catch the worried undertone to his rant. He also says that he wants to be with you when shit goes down at Casa Egbert. Bless his soul. 

The thing that neither of you were entirely expecting is just how close the two of them live. When Karkat flips his lid, you at first do not understand why. Then he sends you what appears to be a troll rip-off of Google Maps, showing that his current location and that of your best bro's are like one suburb apart. Holy shit. They probably go to the same fucking grocery store. They are within _walking distance_ of each other!

By the time the two of you are together and ready to confront your best bro, you are practically vibrating with nervous energy. It is a sad night when Karkat is the one calming you down, instead of the other way around. You simply cannot help it, though. You are anxious to see your friend again and let him know that although you are not currently happy with him, you still love him. Everything will be alright. 

The walk to his house is creepier than anything else you have ever imagined. When you reach the street he is on, unease prickles at the forefront of your mind. It takes you a moment to place why. Every single cookie-cutter house is completely still and quiet. There is nary a lusus or troll to be seen on the entire block. Quite a few of the hives appear to be rather run down and broken, so it is with no small amount of relief that you find the address you reach an intact (albeit quiet) residence.

"Alright, Egbert, listen up!" you kick his door open and internally wince as the hinges scream in duress. "This is an intervention!"

The inside of the hive is silent. And dark. The air is stagnant and musty, as if the doors and windows had been closed too long. Everything is staged to look like an average suburban home on Earth, complete with crumbling wallpaper and sheets draped over the furniture. Holy shit, this is creepy. It sort of reminds you of the one time you went to a haunted house with Bro, who ditched you after the first two rooms so that he could fuck with you. 

Karkat saunters past you into the abode and carefully swipes one fingerpad across the back of the couch. Rubbing his fingers together, he wrinkles his nose and comments, "Dust. This place hasn't been used in a while. It's still standing, though, so someone should be here."

"I guess we head upstairs then?" you suggest.

Your boyfriend only grunts and walks away. Right then. This is turning out to be a little more weird than you expected. As you climb the stairs after him, you are sorely tempted to pull your 1/2bladekind out of your strife deck. Just in case there is some squatter here instead of Egbert. Except that you do not do that, because pulling a weapon out on your friend is nine kinds of not okay. Especially anyone with PTSD. Which, you have to admit, is probably every single one of your crew at this point.

The hallway upstairs is just as dusty and dark. You are not quite sure which way to go until your ears pick up a faint noise. Sounds like... a keyboard? Turning, you squint and find that there is a very faint light emerging from under the door at the end of the hall. Looks like that is where you need to go. Tugging on Karkat's sleeve, you point.

He nods, once again pushing forward to lead the way. God, you are such a weenie. Karkat is like a foot and a half shorter than you with stubby horns, not to mention a mutantblood. Yet here you are letting him take point because you are scared of a fucking empty house. You half expect the door to creak ominously or some shit, but it actually opens silently.

The bedroom you enter is completely _wrecked_. Torn movie posters paper the walls, along with what looks to be bright red writing and angry clown faces. The recuperacoon washed up against the far wall is so stagnant that you think there might be actual things living in its slime. Detritus comprised of dirty laundry, discarded movie hexagons, literal trash, and unidentifiable broken objects covers every available surface. In fact, the only area remotely clean is the computer desk pushed up against the wall.

That is where John is slouched, claws angrily clicking away at the keyboard. You almost did not recognize him, and it has nothing to do with his wavy horns or gray skin. Face contorted into a snarling grimace and bags under his eyes that rivals Karkat's on the worst of days, the troll before you does not really look anything like your friend. Briefly you note the crimson and gray text that fills the screen and realize he is trolling someone online.

One baleful eye turns towards you before the desktop is unceremoniously unplugged from the wall with a twitch of psychic powers. Then, in an instant, he changes. The hunched posture and grimly furious expression vanishes. Swiveling his chair around is your best bro, complete with his goofy grin. Never before have you seen a mask slide on so easily- as if it was always there and what you had just seen was a figment of your imagination. A shiver runs up your spine.

"Hey guys," he says as if you have not been living a fucking horror movie the past four and a half minutes. "What are you doing here?"

Unlike you, Karkat is not shaken. He starts up a rant, "Oh, I don't know, maybe we decided to take matters into our own hands after our supposed 'friendleader' decided not to show up to a mandatory meeting? It could be that we are worried about him since he has been absent without leave for exactly ten nights, not to count all the nights before then that he selectively answered messages only from certain trolls. It's not like we are on a planet full of murdering fuckwads or anything. Oh wait! We are!"

John is already rolling his eyes, "Relax, Karkat. I just lost track of the time. It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?" puffs up your boyfriend. "Not a big deal?!? Do you have _any_ idea how worried the others were? How worried we were? You have been totally silent for ten nights! Not even Jadite has heard from you! If you want some space, that's fine, but at least tell someone that you are going to be unreachable for a while, you inconsiderate twat!" 

His shoulders roll, "Okay. I'll be sure to do that next time."

"There had better not be a next time!" Karkat snarls. Then he pauses and considers, "Wait. Do you actually mean any of the words coming out of your squawk gaper or are you simply being agreeable and acting oblivious to end this conversation faster?"

John's lips twitch, "Well, that's the first time anyone has ever called me out on this. Do you want a pointy-ass glam badge for your achievement?" 

"So you are pretending to be dumb for your own benefit," huffs your boyfriend. "Wow. I'm not even sure what to say to that, besides that apparently everything I know about you is a lie. I thought you were a leader, Johnny. I thought you were too smart to become one of the assholes that the crew had to grubsit. I expected better of you."

"A lot of people expect a lot of things from me, apparently," he replies blithely. "I guess I'm just here to disappoint. Maybe if there were some way of time travel where it is not complete bullshit, you could go back in time to make me less of a disappointment. Sadly, though, there is not. And you did nothing, because if you had gone back in time, we would not be having this conversation without a time paradox."

"Terezi and I had a fraymotif where we revived Dirk by having him become a past version of himself, so it is possible to have seamless time travel," you explain, verbal diarrhea to calm yourself down. "Sort of like hitting the undo button. We just found the most favorable timeline and merged it with our own. No need to go back and change things manually, or try to convince someone to make different choices. So much easier than all the bullshit I did for most of The Game."

If looks could kill, you might literally drop dead. You have never seen Egbert look so... _frustrated_. He is pissed, yeah, but he also seems upset about this revelation in a very personal way. You are not sure why. It is not like he ever had to do any time tra- wait. He did have retcon abilities towards the end. That was a thing. Somehow it was the reason he was alive for your session at all, since he jumped from another timeline. (You think Jade mentioned he might be a doomed self.)

"Er," you fumble. "Are you... okay, bro? You seem a bit angry."

"Angry? Why would I be angry?" his voice is a bit shrill. "It's not like I've seen all of your dead bodies or anything. It's not like I ever had to bust my fucking ass trying to get a better outcome for the group, struggling with time travel shenanigans to alter the timeline favorably. Trying over and over and over and over and-"

"JOHN!" Karkat interrupts. "Whoa, slow down. We get it, okay? The Game fucking sucks and even when it gives you hoofbeastshit powers it then sucks more like some sort of karma trap. There's no need to take it out on Dave."

The boy blinks rapidly a few times, fake smile still in place, "Yeah, you're right. There I go being dumb again. Whoops, haha! It's like I can't even function around you guys without being a total asshole or something."

"This is the 'did you turn gay on me' conversation all over again," you grumble.

"Look, it was a valid concern, okay?" he splutters.

"No, Egbert. No, it was never valid," you decide to let him have it. "People do not just 'turn' gay! They are born that way! Or they discover it later in life that they are attracted to members of the same gender. The point is that the words that came out of your mouth were so heteronormative that they were harmful. I know you don't mean to hurt people like that, you're an asshole with your pranks but not a complete dick. Unless you are now a giant fucking dildo."

"Uh, n-no!" he _fucking squeaks_. "I mean, it was surprising is all. You were dating Jade in my timeline! I mean, at least Davesprite was, so I kind of just assumed-"

"Wait, wait, wait!" you interrupt. "I was dating _Jade_?"

He frowns, "Uh, yeah, you were. Is that so fucking hard to believe? Jade is amazing and cheerful and so much more interesting to be around than I am. Plus you were stuck on a meteor with only her and me for three years, so I guess you put your gayness on hold to date her? Or you were just experimenting in heterosexuality, which kinda makes me want to hit you on her behalf because that is so not cool."

"Dude, it was not even our Harley, right?" you are getting flustered. "We don't need to tell her."

"Wait, pause!" Karkat literally talks over John's infuriated reply. "Are we going to ignore the blatant self-hate there?" When you both stare at him, he continues, "John. You literally just said that Davesprite dated Jade because you were boring to be around? How self-obsessed do you have to be to think that someone is going to involve themselves with a relationship with other people simply due to the fact you are so lame? I am sure that had nothing to do with the situation."

"I meant I was the only guy on the ship, and he decided to date my sister instead," he shrugs. "And there's no need to go all Rose on us. We all know that I'm basically useless."

"What?" you screech. "Egbert. No, John. My darling sweet babu. How in any universe would you consider yourself useless? You literally were our leader! Without you, we would have had like a dead Vriska and a doomed timeline or some shit. The retcon stuff was never really satisfactorily explained, to be honest. Just that things Went Bad."

"I never was a leader, Dave," he furrows his brow at you. "Nor was I anything special. You guys never needed me. You just needed the retcon powers, which _anyone_ could have accidentally fallen into and used."

"Statements like that are precisely what makes you their leader," Karkat says gently. "John. There is never a good answer when you start comparing yourself to a fictional 'what if' scenario. Yeah, maybe things would be better if you had never entered The Game. More likely it would have just made a doomed timeline. So there is no need to dwell on it. Things happened the way they happened for a reason, and no amount of time shenanigans will change that."

There is an awkward silence as you watch him struggle with this knowledge. There really is nothing that can be done about the doomed versus alpha timeline bullshit. You would know that best of all. Sheesh, any Time player knows that. Sometimes shit just sucks and them's the breaks. However it may be unfair for you to hold John to the same standard. He is having a hard enough time dealing with the fact he never had a chance to do better because it would have ended in a paradox.

Then, in a voice so soft it is almost inaudible, "You guys aren't even _my_ Daevid and Karkat. What do you care?"

And, wow, that _hurts_. Realistically you know John is from a doomed timeline. The John in your universe died in some sort of planet explosion, along with Davesprite. For John, though, he was on a meteor with his sister and the orange feathery asshole version of you for three years, making memories that no one else can reminisce about. That meant that for your blue-eyed buddy, you guys were just strangers wearing their faces. 

"Hey, we've been over this before on the Victory Platform," growls Karkat. "Although you thinkpan is so small, you probably do not remember the conversation. Does it really matter which versions of us made it in the end? At least we are all together in some form or fashion."

That nets you both a wobbly smile, "Yeah... yeah, I guess the glass-half-full view is pretty nice. Even if it is utter shit that out of everyone, I keep getting the consolation prize."

"All of us being alive again is a consolation prize?" you bristle.

"No, just... my life was pretty good before The Game, you know?" he mumbles, looking to the side at a destroyed movie poster. "I had a supportive father, friends who cared about me, and a normal life. You and Rose and Jade... even most of the trolls, I guess- you all had shitty guardians or societal expectations or worrying about actually getting killed. I know I was sheltered, but I was also pretty _happy_. For you guys, this whole set up must seem pretty nice."

"Oh," Karkat says, as if he finally understands. "I always did wonder... you wish you never played The Game, don't you?"

"Most nights... yeah," admits John. "Even if it means I would have never met you, or any of the other trolls. Does that make me an awful person?"

You sidle up next to him until he begrudgingly allows you to wrap him up in a hug, "No, John. It does not make you a bad person if you miss the way things used to be. It sucks that you lost your dad and never really got closure with him. I mean, at least I got to talk to Dirk some before the big fight. I just... this is going to sound dumb, but as much as he was a really shitty guardian, I miss Bro."

"It's not dumb," he reassures you. "Even if he wasn't perfect, he was still your Bro. I think we all have complicated emotions when it comes to our guardians. Even some of the trolls with their lususes. Things we said or didn't say. Wishing that things had gone differently between us. There is a word for that, right? When you are sad about things in the past that got fucked up and shouldn't have?"

"Nostalgia?" you try, already releasing him as you frown vaguely. "No, that's not quite right."

"Hiraeth," Karkat corrects you both easily. "The longing for something that perhaps never existed, or a homesickness for a place that you cannot return to anymore." 

You both peer at him quizzically for a moment.

"What? Rose and I used to have vocabulary nights after she kept stealing all my novels," he defends. "It became more productive to share knowledge instead of constantly fight over it. Anyway, both of you are getting very off point here. The purpose of this trip was to ascertain John's health, clean him up, and then let everyone else know his status. We can mop up the rest of this mess later."

"Regret. The word I wanted was regret," John repeats, "but alright. Let's ignore that weirdness and focus on my depression. Coolio."

Hearing him say it out loud is like a slap to the face. You mean, you knew that is what your best bro was struggling with in this new universe (perhaps even before this point), but there is apparently this taboo in your brain from actually naming it or discussing it. Which is silly, really. It is what it is, and it is not going to go away simply because you stick your head in the sand like Egbert has been doing. Shit, you already want to hug him again.

"That was the point of this whole intervention, bro," you inform him. "However, that can wait. You need a shower and some sleep first. I don't think I've seen someone look so exhausted in my entire life and I'm dating the king of insomnia himself."

Karkat is glaring at the recuperacoon in the corner of the room as if it has personally offended him, "I don't think that thing is sanitary. In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and say you will most definitely catch something horrible and parasitic if you try to sleep in it. Do I even want to know how long it has been?"

You watch John squint and mentally tally up nights, "Uh, how long since you guys heard from me?"

"Just go to the ablution block," sighs your boyfriend. "Dave, drag him if you have to and dunk him under the faucet. I'm going to figure something out for resting purposes."

You herd John out of the room and into the hallway. From there, he gets the picture and ducks into the doorway that must be to the ablution block. Although you probably should go back and help Karkat, part of you is terrified to leave the immediate area. Just in case. Instead of just standing around like a creepy voyeur, you decide to get out your cellphone and troll Rose.

TG: so guess what we found   
TT: I høpe yøu discøvered yøur fears unføunded and øur dear friend simply attempting tø rest.   
TG: yeah that is exactly what happened   
TG: except for the part where his movie posters are destroyed and there is scribbled writing on the walls   
TG: the trash is probably up to my waist and the air tastes like decay and dust   
TG: i dont think he has slept in the last century and there is literal parasites living in his slime   
TG: but sure lets go with everything is fine and we should keep our noses out of it   
TT: ...   
TG: sorry   
TG: im just a little freaked out   
TT: I can understand yøur anxiety. This søunds much møre seriøus than I was expecting.   
TT: Høw is he acting with yøu there?   
TG: at first he tried to hand wave everything and pretend nothing was wrong but that fell apart pretty quickly   
TG: the d word came out   
TT: What? Dick? That is a little søøn.   
TG: what??   
TG: no   
TG: depression   
TT: Ah.   
TG: what do you mean by dick   
TG: im not going to be bringing that up with my best bro   
TT: Nevermind.   
TT: Let us instead føcus øn the fact he has admitted that he has a prøblem and ways we can help. What symptøms is he currently displaying? Besides søcial withdrawal and a severe lack of self-care.   
TG: he is kinda acting out by being snide and sometimes mean   
TG: there was something about unrealistic expectations and how he is not a real leader   
TG: he also said he wished he had never played the game which is kind of fair considering all the bullshit we have been through   
TG: i dunno this is all over my head   
TT: Shit. This is far wørse than I cøuld ever have predicted.   
TT: I believe øur leader may be suicidal ør at least subcønsciøusly admitting passive suicidal ideaøløgy.   
TG: what no way   
TG: he isnt that bad   
TT: Daevid. If Jøhn had nøt played SBURB with us, he wøuld be as dead as everyøne else øn Earth.   
TG: oh 

Dread pools in your stomach, a cold and clammy sensation. Your mind shies away from even the suggestion that John might be so far gone that he is considering that you all would be better off with him dead. Then again, he had said himself that your crew had never really needed him. Maybe he actually meant those words a bit more than you thought. 

TG: i have to go   
TT: I understand. Keep a cløse eye øn him.   
TG: i intend to 

When the door in front of you creaks, you are quite a bit relieved. The water has plastered his wayward locks to his head, and with those buckteeth he looks a bit like a drowned rat. A naked drowned rat. Okay, technically there is a door between the two of you and he is just leaning his head and shoulders around it, but the point still stands.

"Uh..." you bluescreen. 

"I didn't bring a change of clothes," he informs you. "Then again, I'm not sure I have any clean laundry at the moment. I guess you can check the back of the closet?"

"I'll ask Karkat," you tell him. Even though you hate leaving him alone for even a moment right now, you do not have to go far to stick your head in the respiteblock. 

Holy shit.

Your boyfriend has been very busy. The trash and torn movie posters are missing, leaving behind an uncluttered, if filthy, floor and graffitied walls. The recuperacoon is gone, likely shoved into his sylladex to be disposed of later. Instead there are a few splaysacs gathered in the corner. It needs some work still, but it is already a vast improvement.

"What?" he snaps from where he is scrubbing at the walls.

"Egbert is naked," is what your brain decides is going to fall out of your mouth. "Help."

"I am surrounded by incompetent assholes," Karkat rolls his eyes. "His closet is more disgusting than the rest of this room. Here, I've at least got some stuff from Kanaya's visit that should fit him."

Your eyebrows raise, "You're giving him your clothes?"

"I was never going to wear them," snorts Karkat. "Now get out of my way." He shoves some folded fabric into your hands and pushes you out the door.

Feeling like a glorified delivery boy, you return to the bathroom to find the door once again closed. After a brief exchange, you manage to pass the clothes to him through the barely-cracked door when you see it. A long ridge of fibrous tissue running up his arm. You grab his wrist. He attempts to pull away, but you hold firm.

"What the fuck is this?" you demand.

He twists his arm, trying to break free, "Fucking- Dave! Let go!"

"Just tell me what the fuck happened to your arm!" you snarl. As the two of you struggle, your shoulder knocks into the door, which sends him stumbling backwards. He falls straight on his ass, towel still wrapped around his waist. You freeze.

His arm is not the only thing scarred. There are slashes and hooks all over his upper body, as well as several star-shaped areas. Holy shit, you think those are stab wounds. At least four of them range from his left hip to right by his collarbone. You might be a bit marked up from your strifes with Bro, but this is something else entirely. 

With a furious expression, his eyes briefly flash white and the door suddenly slams shut in your face. Right. Psychic powers. You rub your nose ruefully and retreat to the respite block. Karkat gives you a strange look as you enter. 

"Hey, I think you'd better be the one to go get him," you say. 

With a grumble, he stalks out of the room. You sigh. Okay, you have to calm down. There are a lot of reasons for someone to look like that, and it would be hard to imagine that suicide attempts would fail when you have the ability and will to skewer yourself. There were a lot of fights during The Game. Those wounds could be from all the times he cashed in on his conditional immortality. You never had to revivify using the not Just or Heroic clause, so maybe that is how it works. 

Wait, except Vriska apparently was missing an arm and an eye before she went Godtier. Maybe it only healed things that happened before you transformed and gained color-coded pajamas? Shit. This is complicated. It does not help that you pissed him off already, so he is not likely to talk to you about the history of those scars. At least none of them looked that fresh. 

John nearly gives you a heart attack by floating by you. That same weird white light is pulsing faintly around him as he goes straight towards the pile of splaysacs. Once there, the lightshow stops and he promptly collapses onto the soft surface. You feel like you are getting the cold shoulder. Then again, you two were here for an intervention.

Karkat follows him at a distance, feet on the ground. He stares at a moment at your best bro wearing pants just a little too short and a long-sleeved red shirt. Crimson red. His color, albeit secretly. Or your color, until recently. Actually, you think the one time you were talking to John online he was using that shade as well. 

"What was that?" you mutter at him, trying to keep your voice down.

He stage whispers to you, "I think the asshole legitimately is so weakened from dehydration and malnutrition that he cannot stand anymore. Apparently it takes less effort to use his telekinetic powers. Idiot."

"I _am_ still awake and I can still hear everything you two are saying," said idiot informs you. "I don't need you to grubsit me."

"Yeah, well maybe if you could take care of yourself we would not be treating you like a pupa," retorts Karkat. 

"Look, I'll sleep here if you two assholes go somewhere else to talk about me," he promises. "Also you are not quite, Karkat. Ever."

"It is pretty hard to go to sleep with people watching you," you point out to your boyfriend. "We can hang out downstairs for a bit. I think the rest of the hive could use a little cleanup, anyway."

So the two of you retreat.

You take the sheets off all the furniture and shove them into your sylladex. Karkat immediately begins dusting everything. Unable to stand the silence, you set up your husktop on the table in the kitchen to start playing music. With a grin, the two of you get more into the groove of a cathartic bout of cleaning. You open up the windows to air out the place. Karkat shimmies as he dumps the trash out into the dross coffer. 

The two of you laugh and dance across the floor, taking a quick break. Then it is back to the grindstone, sweeping and mopping. Eventually Karkat wanders upstairs to check in on your host. Scrubbing the counters in the kitchen, you note the empty cupboards and decide to do something about it soon. 

"DAVE!" your boyfriend yells from upstairs.

Heart leaping to your throat, you flashstep to his side. Before the two of you is the door to John's bedroom. It is disturbingly cleaner than you remember it being just a couple hours ago. The walls and floor are sparkling, the remnants of trash and graffiti completely vanished. Folded stacks of laundry are sitting by the closet door. The pile of splaysacs, however, is empty.

"Dave," Karkat repeats. "He's gone."


	7. Zany

You grunt. There is an arm in your way. A sharp kick, and the half-destroyed fighting drone is now embedded in the far wall. Much better. You are far too busy drowning in angst to bother with your rogue creations. In fact, you had even requested some alone time from your dear sweet Nepeta to work through this problem.

What it boils down to is whether to continue your life as you always had or not. There are advantages to being an indigoblood with superior strength. Even you are not blind to the overwhelming amount of privilege you possess. Yet…

You are tired of being the dog with a bone, gnawing and gnawing until nothing is left. You put on airs. You bark orders you have heard others say with no real meaning behind the words. You pretend to know what you are doing. Now, though, you are simply just exhausted with it all. A cog in the machine ruthlessly grinding all your crew into dust.

"I want to be better," you say aloud. "Neigh. I _have_ to be better. Not just for myself anymore."

You have a crew. Technically, you had one even before The Game, but you had always attempted to remain aloof from the things you felt did not concern you. You also built a love robot for a rustblood you barely talked to before she became a ghost. It is safe to say that you never had the whole crew's interests at heart.

Now, though. Well. Now you have more than just Nepeta to think about. There was the ill-advised fling with Aradia. Building the robot legs for the bronzeblood at the behest of Maryam, but adding the magnetrons for Serket. The black flirting with the highblood, which ended in your own death. Yes, there had been a lot of mistakes.

It is time to repent. 

You remember. You build. You create. Each new idea and invention is run by one of your other peers to ensure nothing will be detrimental to your crew. Not all of your prototypes are made for members of your crew. One in particular was formed with you specifically in mind.

It was a surprise to find countless crossbows piled in one corner of your workshops. Yet the idea makes a lot of sense. If you are too STRONG for a normal longbow, perhaps something naturally a bit sturdier would fare better. None of the models could quite handle your brusque method of aiming and pulling the trigger, so you went back to the drawing board. What you ended up with was an automatic reloading hunk of metal that can withstand being used as a bludgeoning device immediately prior to firing.

You are quite proud of it. Even your darling Nepeta had squealed when she saw it for the first time. Besides, it is nice to have some ranged coverage in your duo. It helps keep your training drones at a distance when their numbers prove a bit much for hand-to-hand combat. 

Right now, though, you are working on yet another side job for a member of the crew. Surprisingly, this is the first time the goldblood Captor has asked for your assistance with one of his projects. Normally he does not allow anyone to touch his technology, but he finally admitted the fact he is more a bioware kind of guy. That left you with the mechanical side of things. 

The scary part is the fact you are not quite sure what he is trying to accomplish here. The components all make sense individually, but together they do not create a cohesive front. They all have varying functions and purposes. The first piece you completed had been a tiny array for a speaker system, small enough to be worn. Then it had been a holographic keyboard. Last was gyroscopic camera, miniaturized. 

Now you are finishing a longrange auditory transmitter and receiver. The kind that the Alternian Empire fleet ships use to communicate with one another. It is something you all could get into a lot of trouble even knowing about, let alone owning. Still, you find it sufficiently challenging to work on to keep your attention.

You still have brief moments of doubts. Wondering if you are just speeding the end result of all your crew slain at the feet of Her Imperious Condescension. It is so vivid in your mind the images feel more like memories than imagination. These times are when you turn to your crew for support.

TA: ju2t tru2t me EQ.  
TA: nothiing bad wiill happen two u2.  
AC: :33 < it is purrfectly safe for you to help our crew  
CT: D --> I did not mean to offend.  
TA: no problem.   
TA: ii wiill pretend ii diidn't 2ee you typiing that we are all goiing two diie.  
CC: Sea? T)(ere is not)(ing to worry aboat!   
CT: D --> I am simply worried we may not be doing enough.  
CT: D--> There are too many forces working against us.  
GC: 4H-H4!  
GC: 1 KN3W YOU WOULD C4TCH ON SOON3R OR L4T3R.  
GC: 1 4M S3ND1NG VR1SK4 YOUR W4Y TO D1SCUSS TH1S 1N P3RSON.  
TA: that ii2 cruel and unu2ual punii2hment TZ.  
AC: :// < i am not sure i approve of wiskers being in his hive  
GC: OH HUSH. 1T W1LL B3 F1N3.  


Eventually you are called away from your husktop by someone banging on your front door. With a groan, you go to let Serket into your hive. Reluctantly. Sure enough, she is smirking with a hand on her hip when you open the door. You almost shut the door in her face just to hear her indignant remarks, but restrain yourself.

You lead the way to one of your mealblocks and offer her some milk to drink, like a proper host. She rolls her eyes and makes fun of your stuffy mannerisms. Perhaps you casually mention how she is basically uncultured swine. This is, unfortunately, business as usual for the two of you. You never did care for her duplicitous nature and narcissism. She never understood your need to remain in the shadows.

Perhaps The Game was right to place you as opposite Aspects. Light and Void. The nosy manipulator and the stubborn intimidator. There is no way to say for certain how much was influenced by SGRUB even before you played and how much was yourselves. Then again, that is how most things are after The Game. Its influence is insidious and ambiguous. 

"We have much to discuss about the plans our dear Heiress has," you begin. "I am concerned about the details."

"Details," her mouth purses. "Sure."

"I have just as much schoolfeeding on tactics and espionage as you do," you tell her. "It seems a waste for me to be left out of the discussions. Even Feferi seemed quite enthusiastic about the prospect."

"Did you know that she is planning on taking over the Alternian Empire?" presses Serket.

You stare at her, deadpan, "Of course she is. The Heiress is just that, the Heiress. I would be more concerned if she _did not_ have a plan for seizing the throne."

"And you're okay with that?" her shrill voice goes up another octave.

"I am not only simply 'okay' with this juncture, but I am actively supporting it," you patiently explain. "If the Empire wants my dear moirail and inclade dead, then I see no reason to continue supporting it. Besides, I am quite done with following those whose hemocaste places them above me. There are far more important qualities for a leader to have than blood."

"Why, Zahhak!" she exclaims. "I'm astonished! I'm aghast! I'm a couple other words that start with vowels! I never would have pegged you for the kind of troll to change your loyalties so quickly. In fact, your stubbornness was one of the things I liked about you. I mean, what am I supposed to make fun of you for now? Your inability to use a bow?"

You grin, "I have also completed construction on a long-range weapon capable of withstanding my strength."

"No shit?" her eyebrows raise. "Color me impressed."

"I am calling it a crossbow," you inform her. "Its accuracy is quite commendable and it fires farther than a regular bow. Plus, it doubles as a blunt trauma close range weapon. I am quite fond of it."

"Of course you're calling it a crossbow," Vriska rolls her eyes. "I can practically hear the percentage sign. Honestly, though, you have always been the most predictable troll I've been in cahoots with. I'm going to miss that."

"There are hopefully no cahoots to be found in our inclade," you say, slightly threateningly. "We have quite enough on our plates at the moment and do not need any infighting." 

She holds up her hands placatingly, small grin still in place, "No cahoots here, highblood. With this crew? I wouldn't even dream of it. Half of you are watching me so closely the backstabbing would never get off the ground, and the other half probably have a contingency plan to blast me off the face of the planet even if I did manage it."

"As we should," a growl slowly builds in your chest. "We trusted you, Serket. You are a traitor. You were one long before we were in the medium, and you proved yourself to be one again when you murdered Nitram."

"Easy boy," the blueblood huffs. "Besides, how'd you know about Tavros anyway? Weren't you off getting murdered yourself?"

"Time is not linear in the dreambubbles," you shrug. "Nepeta and I had plenty of opportunities to catch up with all of our inclade, even the ones from alternative timelines. I must say, keeping track of which person was from which timeline and whether it is the alpha one is impossible, but I assume that the timelines do not change anyone's baseline personality all that much. Mostly I believe they simply present us with different opportunities to develop different aspects of ourselves. At least, that is my theory."

"Huh," Vriska vaguely frowns, "I never thought about it like that. Well, I mean, at least we're out of The Game, right? There's no reason for me to be in cahoots anymore when we're all equally at risk of dying come Ascension. Besides, I have a moirail now to think about."

You grit your teeth, "No, you don't."

"Excuse me?" she bares her own fangs.

"What you have is a person so dependent on you that you can tell them what to do and how to act," you challenge. "You do not have a moirail. You have a confused troll who needed you so badly she is ignoring the fact you two have always been black. She is not your tether, and you are not hers."

"Your old-fashioned ideas of what a pale quadrant should look like is not the only way to do romance," huffs Serket. "Really, Zahhak! Just because you have the longest standing relationship of the inclade does not make you an expert."

"No, but Vantas and Maryam agree with me," you give a humorless grin. "I'd say they understand the best, since they were actually there for the end. You apparently went off to be your own hero, ignoring the consequences. Ignoring your purported moirail."

"Look, I don't have to stand here and listen to this!" she rolls her eyes. "How about you keep your greasy nose out of my business, and I tell you about the plans we have for overthrowing the Batter Witch?"

You squint at her for a moment, "We… are really calling her that?"

"Yes, it is one of her titles from the humans' universe," she says. "Kind of dumb, if you ask me, but that's why I like using it. Why should that old hag get a cool title when she is lame and awful?"

"It just seems so… informal," you struggle to find words to describe the uncomfortable feeling in your gut. 

"Do you really think she will care how formal we are when we are trying to shove a sword down her throat?" Vriska raises one eyebrow. "Standing on ceremony is what she expects, and it's more likely to get us culled than anything. Why should she wait for us to bow and scrape before slamming a three-times-dent down our chutes? Attack while our guards are down? Sounds exactly like something the Batter Witch would do."

"You are enjoying that title a little too much," you point out. "In fact, I feel as if you are intentionally using a silly little nickname because you are intimidated by her Imperial Condescension and need to feel more in control of the situation. By getting others to mock her, it helps validate your own assurances that she is not that big of a threat."

Her full lips purse into a pout, "You sound just like Lalond. Well, let's see what you've been working on to help defeat Condie, then. Sollux said something about getting most the parts from you."

"I have been working on several projects with him, yes," you reply. "My main concern now is that we are no longer strong enough to realistically take on the Empress or her forces, especially since we have lost Godtier. A few still retain psychic powers, but these appeared to be of little help when fighting her. Several ghost versions of our crew detailed their battles with her for me, but it appears that winning without heavy losses is not feasible. Only Lalonde's ancestor was able to strike the finishing blow, likely due to her Aspect powers."

"Then why can't you do the same thing?" Vriska whines. "You were a Void player, too!"

"I cannot hope to replicate her tactics because I no longer have Void powers," you patiently explain. "Nor do I have the skill to use a swordkind weapon without mangling it beyond repair. My strife specibii are bowkind, %bowkind, and fistkind. That is all."

"Well, luckily we have Stride, then!" she grasps at straws. "He uses 1/2bladekind! We can form tactics around that."

"Without his Time abilities or a juju sword, as I was told it was called, this plan does not seem feasible," you state. "I believe our best bet is to work on our combat skills, individually and in groups, to expound on our strengths and cover our weaknesses. The Heiress is far too young to have received any of the psychic abilities of her predecessor, so we must be ready to act as her offense and defense as needed."

"None of those ghost groups had the entire crew," points out Vriska. "We can simply overwhelm and disorient her. Anyway, it's sixteen to one. I think the odds are in our favor."

"Not if we do nothing but trip over each other and get in the way of attacks," you press. "Strategy is more than just pointing at an enemy and yelling to take them down. We need to work as a cohesive unit. Preferably with as many variations on smaller teams as possible. If one troll falls, the crew should be able to shift into new formations seamlessly. We need practice, Serket. That's all I'm saying."

For a few moments, the two of you just stare each other down.

Then, reluctantly, she admits, "That's… not a bad idea, regardless of our endgame plan. I'll bring it up to the others and see if we can arrange some strife meetings. It's too bad no one really knows enough about all the different strife specibii used in the crew to help schoolfeed some of the wrigglers, but we'll manage."

Knowing she is going to take over your idea and present it as her own, you heave a small sigh. Oh well. At least she is no longer actively fighting or antagonizing you. For a blueblood, Vriska Serket is certainly a lot less straightforward than you would prefer. Still, her grand design to be the center of attention does help on occasion. Now you do not have to convince the Heiress and Vantas. 

After a few more minutes of hemming and hawing, you finally get her started out the door. Relieved, you quickly tap out a message on your portable communication device to let Nepeta know how things went. She has always worried about your neighbor- at least since the Flarp campaign madness. There was good reason for you to keep your moirail away from such things.

She surprises you by informing you she is almost at your hive. 

"Nepeta!" you admonish as you open the door. "You should have at least told me you were on your way. I do not have nearly enough snacks or items for a proper pile for a feelings jam."

"No jam needed!" she grins up at you. "I just wanted to see my meowrail and make sure he is not worried about silly things."

"I would consider our fate come Ascension the exact opposite of silly," you inform her. 

Her face falls a little, "Oh, well, I suppose that's true. There is a pawful lot to worry about these nights."

"True," you shrug, "but I have faith in our crew. With a bit of hard work and luck, we shall see it through."

"Even Karkitty and Rezi?" her bottom lip wobbles.

"We are going to be just fine," you assure her.

"But-"

"No buts," you interrupt. "Come Ascension, we will find a way to either sneak past the drones or take them on in legal loopholes as Terezi is planning. There will be no deaths."

She minutely relaxes, shoulders slumping from their rigid posture, "Yeah?"

"Yeah," you nod. "There is nothing to worry about, Nepeta. Our crew has everything well in hand."


End file.
